Al Madrigal Quotes, Party Quotes, Mexican Quotes

We're down in Mexico. It's for a bachelor party, so we go into a Mexican strip club... I go back with this woman down a murky hallway, and then without missing a beat - these ladies are all business - she goes, 'Go ahead, take out your dong.' 'I'm not taking out my dong. And by the way, who uses the word dong? If you want to be hip to the lingo, they're not using the word dong up in the States.

4 years ago

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Tags : Al Madrigal Quotes , Party Quotes , Mexican Quotes

I'm always alone. Sad face emoticon.

4 years ago

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Tags : Al Madrigal Quotes , Faces Quotes , Always Alone Quotes

Well, once I fried tofu and put Sriracha on it. After that I was so depressed I swore off preparing food for myself altogether.

4 years ago

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Tags : Al Madrigal Quotes , Tofu Quotes , Preparing Food Quotes

Im so sick of people treating Latinos like some homogenous group that all feel the same way about everything.

4 years ago

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Tags : Al Madrigal Quotes , Sick Quotes , People Quotes

My primary responsibility is to be funny.

4 years ago

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Tags : Al Madrigal Quotes , Responsibility Quotes

Don't bring your sand toys to the park. That's another bad move. Because I go to the park, and I'm on the Vicodin and a little weed too - let's face it - and I go in there, and my wife's like, 'Bring the sand toys! Bring the sand toys!' And I know what happens every single time: I become sand toy repo man from the eight little kids that run off in nine different directions with my sand toys.

4 years ago

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Tags : Al Madrigal Quotes , Running Quotes , Weed Quotes

Near my house in Los Angeles is a waterfall. I love to take the wife and kids, but it's also near a sketchy neighborhood. So there's a lot of gang members that hang out at the waterfall. It's like somebody took an Ansel Adams photo and then put a Cypress Hill video inside it.

4 years ago

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Tags : Al Madrigal Quotes , Kids Quotes , Gang Members Quotes

I'm half-Mexican - get used to it 'cause in about five to 10 years, you're all gonna be related to one. Whether you like it or not, no matter how much you prepared your family, you're gonna show up at Thanksgiving one of these years, you're gonna walk in and say, 'Hey! What's happening? Since when did we start serving flan?' Well, what's happening is that somebody's boning a Latino.

4 years ago

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Tags : Al Madrigal Quotes , Years Quotes , Mexican Quotes

The horrible truth is that I am lazy and I am going to write and do bits that just hand themselves to me.

4 years ago

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Tags : Al Madrigal Quotes , Writing Quotes , Hands Quotes

Stop throwing us all together like some sort of Puerto Ricaminican Tex-Mex buffet.

4 years ago

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Tags : Al Madrigal Quotes , Together Quotes , Buffets Quotes

You grow up real quick, a half-Mexican in a sailor's suit, because I'd be riding the streetcar to school everyday - minding my own business, humming out a 'Frere Jacques' - and I realized that in any other town, this might be considered cute. But you know what it is in San Francisco? Sexy.

4 years ago

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Tags : Al Madrigal Quotes , Cute Quotes , Sexy Quotes

I bullshit on the phone all day with a variety of people discussing various projects, and occasionally write jokes.

4 years ago

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Tags : Al Madrigal Quotes , Writing Quotes , Phones Quotes