Adam Ferrara Quotes, Years Quotes, Funny Marriage Quotes

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Years Quotes , Funny Marriage Quotes

The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes

Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.

5 years ago

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I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes

I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring. Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. 'Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain't getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Home Quotes , Cutting Quotes

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

5 years ago

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One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes

I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Distance Quotes , Believe Quotes

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Civilization Quotes

If you're in California and it's raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It's like it's raining frogs. They're terrified.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Rain Quotes , Home Quotes

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

5 years ago

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The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Dad Quotes , Car Quotes