Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Believe Quotes

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes

Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.

4 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Crush Quotes

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes

Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf.

4 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Although always prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it should be postponed.

4 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

4 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

4 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happy Birthday Quotes

Is man one of God's blunders? Or is God one of man's blunders?

4 years ago

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

The stupider the peasant, the better the horse understands him.

4 years ago

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes

They misunderestimated me.

4 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

'Tis a superstition to insist on a special diet. All is made at last of the same chemical atoms.

4 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.

4 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Beauty is an outward gift, which is seldom despised, except by those to whom it has been refused.

4 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

4 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.

4 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mothers Day Quotes

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

4 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes

No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he'd only had good intentions; he had money as well.

4 years ago

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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes