Albert Einstein Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

If a student takes the whole series of my folklore courses including the graduate seminars, he or she should learn something about fieldwork, something about bibliography, something about how to carry out library research, and something about how to publish that research.

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Tags : Alan Dundes Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

He is like a female llama surprised in her bath.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I dislike feeling at home when I am abroad.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes

A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A man and his dog is a sacred relationship. What nature hath put together let no woman put asunder.

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Tags : A. R. Gurney Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.

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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Everyone who has ever built anywhere a "new heaven" first found the power thereto in his own hell.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Government Quotes

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hope Quotes

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes