Adam Carolla Quotes, Army Quotes, Government Quotes

All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Army Quotes , Government Quotes

What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hands Quotes , Common Sense Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Drama Quotes

I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Annoyed Quotes , Time Travel Quotes

I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe. I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out. So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Atheist Quotes , Thinking Quotes

All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Butterfly Quotes , Beer Quotes

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Reason Why Quotes , Reason Quotes

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Air Quotes , Stories Quotes

Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Women Quotes

I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Television Quotes , Radio Quotes

I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn't have to be between Thai and Mexican every night. Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sorry Quotes , Night Quotes

I know everything because I know nothing.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes

I don't burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Trying Quotes , World Quotes

I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn't imagine it.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lonely Quotes

My motto is "more mystery, less history".

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mystery Quotes , Motto Quotes

When you do television, there's more to do, and when you do new television, there's a lot more to do, especially when you don't have partner. I miss not having that person.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Missing Quotes , Television Quotes

Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys. We're always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Basketball Quotes

As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They're the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math. If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife's side of the bed at night. If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Moving Quotes , Book Quotes