Adam Carolla Quotes

It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.

6 years ago

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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.

6 years ago

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I'm harmless. I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you're that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Ill Will Quotes , Office Quotes

The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It's a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.

6 years ago

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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.

6 years ago

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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

6 years ago

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If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'

6 years ago

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You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.

6 years ago

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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.

6 years ago

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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.

6 years ago

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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.

6 years ago

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I'd never hurt another person.

6 years ago

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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women.

6 years ago

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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.

6 years ago

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The shuttle is the worst $20 you'll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been. You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can't afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.

6 years ago

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When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.

6 years ago

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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They're the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math. If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife's side of the bed at night. If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.

6 years ago

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I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they're pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.

6 years ago

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I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time.

6 years ago

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You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Names Quotes , Feelings Quotes