Adam Carolla Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mom Quotes , Kind Quotes

Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Smell Quotes , Judging Quotes

If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Butterfly Quotes , Beer Quotes

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Pay Quotes , Taxes Quotes

I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn't have to be between Thai and Mexican every night. Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sorry Quotes , Night Quotes

I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven't seen one pie commercial.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Pie Quotes

I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they're pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Soccer Quotes , Coffee Quotes

Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don't vote that way.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Leaving Quotes

Maybe it's weird, but I don't feel in any way, shape or form that I'm taking over his show.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Shapes Quotes , Way Quotes

I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn't imagine it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lonely Quotes

Rich people don't pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn't pay taxes.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , People Quotes , Pay Quotes

People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Smart Quotes , College Quotes

I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Television Quotes , Radio Quotes

I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Fields Quotes

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Government Quotes , People Quotes

I know everything because I know nothing.

6 years ago

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Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes