Adam Carolla Quotes, Mean Quotes, Successful Quotes

A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money. Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money - do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.

6 years ago

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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

6 years ago

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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Smell Quotes , Judging Quotes

When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mean Quotes , Should Have Quotes

All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.

6 years ago

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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

6 years ago

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People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.

6 years ago

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Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

6 years ago

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You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Names Quotes , Feelings Quotes

If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

6 years ago

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I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Republican Quotes , Used Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

6 years ago

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No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Book Quotes , Comedian Quotes

Maybe it's weird, but I don't feel in any way, shape or form that I'm taking over his show.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Shapes Quotes , Way Quotes

I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn't imagine it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lonely Quotes

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

6 years ago

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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

6 years ago

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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.

6 years ago

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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Important Quotes , Ability Quotes

I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Art Quotes , Reality Quotes