Adam Carolla Quotes, Christian Quotes, Atheist Quotes

There's no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I'm a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.

6 years ago

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No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.

6 years ago

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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

6 years ago

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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

6 years ago

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Maybe it's weird, but I don't feel in any way, shape or form that I'm taking over his show.

6 years ago

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There are certain things women are better at than men.

6 years ago

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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They're the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math. If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife's side of the bed at night. If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.

6 years ago

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I don't like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.

6 years ago

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If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

6 years ago

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It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I've done so much morning radio that I won't be overwhelmed by it, but it's still going to be a challenge.

6 years ago

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I'm a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I'm into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.

6 years ago

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It's something I've always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.

6 years ago

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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.

6 years ago

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Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

6 years ago

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I'm harmless. I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you're that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.

6 years ago

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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.

6 years ago

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No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.

6 years ago

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You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.

6 years ago

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The truth is we're all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else's book. We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Reading Quotes , Book Quotes

A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money. Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money - do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mean Quotes , Successful Quotes