Adam Carolla Quotes, Passion Quotes, Office Quotes

Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Passion Quotes , Office Quotes

I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Book Quotes , Comedian Quotes

I don't know anything about computers.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Computer Quotes

What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hands Quotes , Common Sense Quotes

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Guy Quotes , Needs Quotes

I have no connection with Hollywood. I'm not interested. I don't care.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hollywood Quotes , Connections Quotes

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Air Quotes , Stories Quotes

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Annoyed Quotes , Time Travel Quotes

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Christmas Quotes , Dad Quotes

Screw guilt -- I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn't bother me. I'm an atheist!

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Atheist Quotes , Sex Quotes

The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hate Quotes , Thinking Quotes

You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Accomplishment Quotes , Feel Good Quotes

We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it. Telling them to stop isn't going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sex Quotes , Thinking Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Philosophical Quotes

If you're conservative in Hollywood, you're on a list of people who need to be put in their place.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , People Quotes , Hollywood Quotes