Adam Carolla Quotes, Feelings Quotes, Trying Quotes

I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Feelings Quotes , Trying Quotes

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Fields Quotes

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Reason Why Quotes , Reason Quotes

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Rich people don't pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn't pay taxes.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , People Quotes , Pay Quotes

We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it. Telling them to stop isn't going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sex Quotes , Thinking Quotes

If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Museums Quotes , Walking Quotes

California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Fall Quotes , School Quotes

I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Drama Quotes

If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hands Quotes , Common Sense Quotes

I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Television Quotes , Radio Quotes

I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sleep Quotes , Names Quotes

I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Guy Quotes , Needs Quotes

Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Average Quotes , Delusional Quotes

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Podcasting Quotes , Form Quotes

I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Realist Quotes