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Adam Carolla Quotes
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Adam Carolla Quotes 142
- When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mean Quotes , Should Have Quotes
- What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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- I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they're pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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- I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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- Screw guilt -- I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn't bother me. I'm an atheist!
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- Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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- Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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- You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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- Rich people don't pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn't pay taxes.
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- I'm a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I'm into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
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- When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the 'tardiest of the 'tards like the thick crust.
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- Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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- [Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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- I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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- I'd never hurt another person.
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- I don't burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
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- I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.
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- It's like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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- I'm a comedian, not a politician.
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- When you do television, there's more to do, and when you do new television, there's a lot more to do, especially when you don't have partner. I miss not having that person.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Missing Quotes , Television Quotes