Adam Carolla Quotes, Guy Quotes, Needs Quotes

I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Guy Quotes , Needs Quotes

When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the 'tardiest of the 'tards like the thick crust.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Country Quotes , Feet Quotes

When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Christmas Quotes , Dad Quotes

All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Army Quotes , Government Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.

6 years ago

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If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Museums Quotes , Walking Quotes

You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

Don’t do your best, do my best.

6 years ago

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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hands Quotes , Common Sense Quotes

I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle. The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I'm not sure why.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Views Quotes , Land Quotes

That's the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can't pursue your dream till you're 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sports Quotes , Dream Quotes

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Air Quotes , Stories Quotes

I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Realist Quotes

The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It's a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Beautiful Quotes , Art Quotes

My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Car Quotes , Life Is Quotes

If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Bridges Quotes , Done Quotes

I'm a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Blue Quotes , Guy Quotes

I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Strong Quotes , Thinking Quotes