Adam Carolla Quotes, Realist Quotes

I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Realist Quotes

Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Passion Quotes , Office Quotes

I get depressed at airports.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes

I'm harmless. I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you're that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Ill Will Quotes , Office Quotes

I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven't seen one pie commercial.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Pie Quotes

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Reason Why Quotes , Reason Quotes

Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys. We're always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Basketball Quotes

I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn't imagine it.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lonely Quotes

When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Basketball Quotes , Brother Quotes

I don't know anything about computers.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Computer Quotes

What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hands Quotes , Common Sense Quotes

I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Want Quotes

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Bridges Quotes , Done Quotes

That's the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can't pursue your dream till you're 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sports Quotes , Dream Quotes

Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Pay Quotes , Taxes Quotes

Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Gay Quotes , Looks Quotes

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Nice Quotes , Dirty Quotes

I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Running Quotes , Car Quotes