Adam Carolla Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn't have to be between Thai and Mexican every night. Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sorry Quotes , Night Quotes

No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.

4 years ago

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Don’t do your best, do my best.

4 years ago

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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Women Quotes

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

4 years ago

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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Passion Quotes , Office Quotes

I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Feelings Quotes , Trying Quotes

I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.

4 years ago

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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hurt Quotes , Nice Quotes

My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Car Quotes , Life Is Quotes

Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Smell Quotes , Judging Quotes

When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mean Quotes , Should Have Quotes

You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Cards Quotes , Use Quotes

I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Podcasting Quotes , Form Quotes

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Emotional Quotes , Guy Quotes

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Nice Quotes , Dirty Quotes

We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it. Telling them to stop isn't going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sex Quotes , Thinking Quotes