Adam Carolla Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

6 years ago

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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Government Quotes , People Quotes

This is why the terrorists hate us. And it's not the glitter and it's not the pomp and circumstance. We've got black and white, we've got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball. And the mirror ball doesn't care what color you are, and it doesn't care how rich your parents are, and it doesn't care what God you pray to. It's an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Stars Quotes , Hate Quotes

I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.

6 years ago

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I get depressed at airports.

6 years ago

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I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.

6 years ago

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It's like the Fouth of July in my underpants.

6 years ago

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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.

6 years ago

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It's something I've always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.

6 years ago

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I know everything because I know nothing.

6 years ago

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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

6 years ago

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I'm harmless. I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you're that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Ill Will Quotes , Office Quotes

I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Fields Quotes

When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.

6 years ago

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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

6 years ago

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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Important Quotes , Ability Quotes

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.

6 years ago

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The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It's a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.

6 years ago

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When you're doing a radio show, you can express yourself.

6 years ago

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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Ill Will Quotes