Adam Carolla Quotes, Ill Will Quotes, Office Quotes

I'm harmless. I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you're that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Ill Will Quotes , Office Quotes

All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Stupid Quotes , Successful Quotes

It's like the Fouth of July in my underpants.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , July Quotes

I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Podcasting Quotes , Form Quotes

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Jobs Quotes , Horrible Jobs Quotes

When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Basketball Quotes , Brother Quotes

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, "Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome."

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Daughter Quotes , Mother Quotes

It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I've done so much morning radio that I won't be overwhelmed by it, but it's still going to be a challenge.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Morning Quotes , Water Quotes

People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Opportunity Quotes , People Quotes

I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes

Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Smell Quotes , Judging Quotes

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Emotional Quotes , Guy Quotes

I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn't have to be between Thai and Mexican every night. Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sorry Quotes , Night Quotes

There's no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I'm a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Christian Quotes , Atheist Quotes

I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mom Quotes , Emotional Quotes

Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Pay Quotes , Taxes Quotes