Adam Carolla Quotes, Realist Quotes

I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Realist Quotes

Rich people don't pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn't pay taxes.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , People Quotes , Pay Quotes

I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Guy Quotes , Needs Quotes

I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Strong Quotes , Thinking Quotes

I'm harmless. I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you're that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Ill Will Quotes , Office Quotes

I've got a great eye for color. I'm like a chick.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Eye Quotes , Color Quotes

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Nice Quotes , Dirty Quotes

I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Annoyed Quotes , Time Travel Quotes

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Growing Up Quotes

If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Joy Quotes

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Want Quotes

Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , School Quotes , College Quotes

No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Book Quotes , Comedian Quotes

California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Fall Quotes , School Quotes

I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Republican Quotes , Used Quotes

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Air Quotes , Stories Quotes

Maybe it's weird, but I don't feel in any way, shape or form that I'm taking over his show.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Shapes Quotes , Way Quotes

I don't normally vote. I'm lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Lazy Quotes

Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes