Adam Carolla Quotes, Nice Quotes, Dirty Quotes

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.

6 years ago

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I know everything because I know nothing.

6 years ago

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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women.

6 years ago

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Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don't vote that way.

6 years ago

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Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff.

6 years ago

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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.

6 years ago

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I get depressed at airports.

6 years ago

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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Government Quotes , People Quotes

If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

My first car was a motorcycle.

6 years ago

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Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

6 years ago

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I don't like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.

6 years ago

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I'm a comedian, not a politician.

6 years ago

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There are certain things women are better at than men.

6 years ago

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All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.

6 years ago

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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Christmas Quotes , Dad Quotes

I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.

6 years ago

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Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.

6 years ago

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I don't know anything about computers.

6 years ago

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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.

6 years ago

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