Adam Carolla Quotes, Air Quotes, Stories Quotes

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Air Quotes , Stories Quotes

When you do television, there's more to do, and when you do new television, there's a lot more to do, especially when you don't have partner. I miss not having that person.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Missing Quotes , Television Quotes

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

Life is just the time between crapping yourself.

5 years ago

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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Reason Why Quotes , Reason Quotes

I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe. I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out. So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Atheist Quotes , Thinking Quotes

I'm a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.

5 years ago

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I don't normally vote. I'm lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.

5 years ago

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It's like the Fouth of July in my underpants.

5 years ago

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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Opportunity Quotes , People Quotes

To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Important Quotes , Ability Quotes

When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Basketball Quotes , Brother Quotes

I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn't have to be between Thai and Mexican every night. Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sorry Quotes , Night Quotes

It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.

5 years ago

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My motto is "more mystery, less history".

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mystery Quotes , Motto Quotes

My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mom Quotes , Kind Quotes

This is why the terrorists hate us. And it's not the glitter and it's not the pomp and circumstance. We've got black and white, we've got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball. And the mirror ball doesn't care what color you are, and it doesn't care how rich your parents are, and it doesn't care what God you pray to. It's an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Stars Quotes , Hate Quotes

I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.

5 years ago

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I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Annoyed Quotes , Time Travel Quotes

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes