Adam Carolla Quotes, Annoyed Quotes, Time Travel Quotes

I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Annoyed Quotes , Time Travel Quotes

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

My motto is "more mystery, less history".

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mystery Quotes , Motto Quotes

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Government Quotes , People Quotes

I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Daughter Quotes , Mother Quotes

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it's not a great way to go.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Practice Quotes , People Quotes

Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys. We're always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Basketball Quotes

I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn't have to be between Thai and Mexican every night. Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sorry Quotes , Night Quotes

I've got a great eye for color. I'm like a chick.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Eye Quotes , Color Quotes

California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Fall Quotes , School Quotes

The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hate Quotes , Thinking Quotes

Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Accomplishment Quotes , Feel Good Quotes

My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Car Quotes , Life Is Quotes

Don’t do your best, do my best.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes

This is why the terrorists hate us. And it's not the glitter and it's not the pomp and circumstance. We've got black and white, we've got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball. And the mirror ball doesn't care what color you are, and it doesn't care how rich your parents are, and it doesn't care what God you pray to. It's an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Stars Quotes , Hate Quotes

Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , School Quotes , College Quotes