Adam Carolla Quotes, Republican Quotes, Used Quotes

I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.

4 years ago

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Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff.

4 years ago

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It's something I've always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.

4 years ago

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It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I've done so much morning radio that I won't be overwhelmed by it, but it's still going to be a challenge.

4 years ago

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People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.'

4 years ago

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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Car Quotes , Life Is Quotes

I'm harmless. I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you're that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.

4 years ago

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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.

4 years ago

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I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.

4 years ago

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I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , People Quotes , Laughing Quotes

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hurt Quotes , Nice Quotes

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

4 years ago

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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?

4 years ago

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All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I'd never hurt another person.

4 years ago

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I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn't imagine it.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lonely Quotes

We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it. Telling them to stop isn't going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.

4 years ago

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There are certain things women are better at than men.

4 years ago

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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They're the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math. If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife's side of the bed at night. If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Moving Quotes , Book Quotes

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes