Adam Carolla Quotes, Mom Quotes, Emotional Quotes

I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mom Quotes , Emotional Quotes

That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Philosophical Quotes

Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Basketball Quotes , Brother Quotes

I have no connection with Hollywood. I'm not interested. I don't care.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hollywood Quotes , Connections Quotes

A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it's not a great way to go.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Practice Quotes , People Quotes

My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mom Quotes , Kind Quotes

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Government Quotes , People Quotes

I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Guy Quotes , Needs Quotes

California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Fall Quotes , School Quotes

No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Book Quotes , Comedian Quotes

I am not a good cue card reader.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Cards Quotes

I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe. I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out. So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Atheist Quotes , Thinking Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Want Quotes

If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Museums Quotes , Walking Quotes

If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Media Quotes , Worried Quotes

Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Passion Quotes , Office Quotes

I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Running Quotes , Car Quotes

If you're conservative in Hollywood, you're on a list of people who need to be put in their place.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , People Quotes , Hollywood Quotes