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Adam Carolla Quotes
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Adam Carolla Quotes 142
- I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff.
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- [Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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- Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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- Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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- Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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- I've always boxed, I always taught boxing.
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- I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time.
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- I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.
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- To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do.
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- If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'
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- I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven't seen one pie commercial.
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- People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.'
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- If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.
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- I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.
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- When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.
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- No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.
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- I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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- If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
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- He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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