Adam Carolla Quotes, Gay Quotes, Looks Quotes

Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.

4 years ago

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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.

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Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.

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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.

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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?

4 years ago

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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.

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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.

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If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.

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I didn't have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.

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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.

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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women.

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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.

4 years ago

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Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

4 years ago

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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.

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The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It's a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.

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Screw guilt -- I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn't bother me. I'm an atheist!

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We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it. Telling them to stop isn't going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.

4 years ago

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I'm a comedian, not a politician.

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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much.

4 years ago

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