Adam Carolla Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

6 years ago

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I'm a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.

6 years ago

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People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Stupid Quotes , Successful Quotes

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

6 years ago

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My motto is "more mystery, less history".

6 years ago

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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women.

6 years ago

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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do.

6 years ago

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No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.

6 years ago

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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

6 years ago

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I'm a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I'm into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Nuts Quotes , Car Quotes

I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they're pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Soccer Quotes , Coffee Quotes

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Government Quotes , People Quotes

I've always boxed, I always taught boxing.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Boxing Quotes

I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle. The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I'm not sure why.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Views Quotes , Land Quotes

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

6 years ago

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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.

6 years ago

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I get depressed at airports.

6 years ago

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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

6 years ago

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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Car Quotes , Life Is Quotes