Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Positive Quotes

Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist the hole!

4 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Positive Quotes

Then, at the end of every hand, Miss Bolo would inquire with a dismal countenance and reproachful sigh, why Mr. Pickwick had not returned that diamond, or led the club, or roughed the spade, or finessed the heart, or led through the honour, or brought out the ace, or played up to the king, or some such thing; and in reply to all these grave charges, Mr. Pickwick would be wholly unable to plead any justification whatever, having by this time forgotten all about the game.

4 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket" - which is but a matter of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention"; but the wise man saith, "Pull all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET." - Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes

I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

The stupider the peasant, the better the horse understands him.

4 years ago

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.

4 years ago

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Arguments are to be avoided: they are always vulgar and often convincing.

4 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

4 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Auto racing, bull fighting, and mountain climbing are the only real sports... all the others are games.

4 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

I have imbibed such a love for money that I keep some sequins in a drawer to count, and cry over them once a week.

4 years ago

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

4 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

"Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting."

4 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

We have the best government that money can buy.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

When I was a kid I used to hate getting picked for team sports. It would be the fit and sporty guys over there. And me and the fat kids over here. Those kids were fat! One girl had to be cut out a hula hoop.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes