Oscar Wilde Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.

4 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.

4 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes

It comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him.

4 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Poor Mr. Pickwick! ... If he played a wrong card, Miss Bolo looked a small armoury of daggers; if he stopped to consider which was the right one, Lady Snuphanuph would throw herself back in her chair, and smile with a mingled glance of impatience and pity to Mrs. Colonel Wugsby, at which Mrs. Colonel Wugsby would shrug up her shoulders, and cough, as much as to say she wondered whether he ever would begin.

4 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Travel Quotes

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

4 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If you injure your neighbour, better not do it by halves.

4 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Half Quotes

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

The great commander, who seemed by expression of his visage to be always on the look-out for something in the extremest distance, and to have no ocular knowledge of anything within ten miles, made no reply whatever.

4 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Distance Quotes

Two people getting together to write a book is like three people getting together to have a baby. One of them is superfluous.

4 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

When a man does exactly what a woman expects him to do she doesn't think much of him. One should always do what a woman doesn't expect, just as one should say what she doesn't understand.

4 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

4 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hope Quotes

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

4 years ago

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes