Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Skeletons Quotes, Dancing Quotes

Crowned with leaves of the laurel. In England the Poet Laureate is an officer of the sovereign's court, acting as dancing skeleton at every royal feast and singing-mute at every royal funeral.

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AFFLICTION, n. An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world.

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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.

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Nonsense, n. The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary.

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PUSH, n. One of the two things mainly conducive to success, especially in politics. The other is Pull.

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NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

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LINEN, n. "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp."

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A modern school where football is taught.

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A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread.

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Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.

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VANITY, n. The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.

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NOBLEMAN, n. Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life.

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When lost in a forest go always down hill. When lost in a philosophy or doctrine go upward.

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We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, and the right to make that of another miserable by thrusting upon him an incalculable quantity of acquaintances; liberty, particularly the liberty to introduce persons to one another without first ascertaining if they are not already acquainted as enemies; and the pursuit of another's happiness with a running pack of strangers.

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Happiness is lost by criticizing it; sorrow by accepting it.

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Kindness n: A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.

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MEDICINE, n. A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway.

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Hope is an explorer who surveys the country ahead. That is why we know so much about the Hereafter and so little about the Heretofore.

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PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.

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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

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