Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Christian Quotes, Stupid Quotes

You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.

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PLENIPOTENTIARY, adj. Having full power. A Minister Plenipotentiary is a diplomatist possessing absolute authority on condition that he never exert it.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Power Quotes , Authority Quotes

BLANK-VERSE, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters - the most difficult kind of English verse to write acceptably; a kind, therefore, much affected by those who cannot acceptably write any kind.

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Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.

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READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in "dialect" and humor in slang.

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EXECUTIVE, n. An officer of the Government, whose duty it is to enforce the wishes of the legislative power until such time as the judicial department shall be pleased to pronounce them invalid and of no effect.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Time Quotes , Power Quotes

NOUMENON, n. That which exists, as distinguished from that which merely seems to exist, the latter being a phenomenon. The noumenon is a bit difficult to locate; it can be apprehended only by a process of reasoning - which is a phenomenon.

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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.

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RETRIBUTION, n. A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them.

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Mad; adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane.

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PITIFUL, adj. The state of an enemy or opponent after an imaginary encounter with oneself.

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Nothing is more logical than persecution. Religious tolerance is a kind of infidelity.

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PRIVATE, n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his knapsack and an impediment in his hope.

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NOVEL, n. A short story padded.

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HARMONISTS, n. A sect of Protestants, now extinct, who came from Europe in the beginning of the last century and were distinguished for the bitterness of their internal controversies and dissensions.

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MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Nature Quotes , Science Quotes

GRAVITATION, n. The tendency of all bodies to approach one another with a strength proportioned to the quantity of matter they contain-the quantity of matter they contain being ascertained by the strength of their tendency to approach one another. This is a lovely and edifying illustration of how science, having made A the proof of B, makes B the proof of A.

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Condole - to show that bereavement is a smaller evil than sympathy.

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I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.

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ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists.

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