Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Food Quotes, Pigs Quotes

TRICHINOSIS, n. The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.

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SARCOPHAGUS, n. Among the Greeks a coffin which being made of a certain kind of carnivorous stone, had the peculiar property of devouring the body placed in it.

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UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.

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I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

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PENITENT, adj. Undergoing or awaiting punishment.

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pleasure, n. The least hateful form of dejection.

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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.

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PRE-EXISTENCE, n. An unnoted factor in creation.

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Peace in international affairs: a period of cheating between periods of fighting

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Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.

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Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.

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EXCEPTION, n. A thing which takes the liberty to differ from other things of its class, as an honest man, a truthful woman, etc.

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CALUMNUS, n. A graduate of the School for Scandal.

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PERFECTION, n. An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic. The editor of an English magazine having received a letter pointing out the erroneous nature of his views and style, and signed "Perfection," promptly wrote at the foot of the letter: "I don't agree with you," and mailed it to Matthew Arnold.

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recollect, v. To recall with additions something not previously known.

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KING, n. A male person commonly known in America as a "crowned head," although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of.

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