Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Mistake Quotes, Eels Quotes

POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.

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Glutton- A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.

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Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.

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PREDESTINATION, n. The doctrine that all things occur according to programme. . . . not be confused with that of foreordination. The difference is great enough to have deluged Christendom with ink, to say nothing of the gore.

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Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.

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PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.

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OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.

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A popular writer writes about what people think. A wise writer offers them something to think about.

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Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.

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A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.

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TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.

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LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used ... as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate the wrong way. An interesting fact in the chemistry of international controversy is that at the point of contact of two patriotisms lead is precipitated in great quantities.

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REPUBLIC, n. A nation in which, the thing governing and the thing governed being the same, there is only a permitted authority to enforce an optional obedience.

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MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

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TZETZE (or TSETSE) FLY, n. An African insect ("Glossina morsitans") whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia, though some patients prefer that of the American novelist ("Mendax interminabilis").

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IMBECILITY, n. A kind of divine inspiration, or sacred fire affecting censorious critics of this dictionary.

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