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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976

Male, A member of the unconsidered or negligible gender. The male of the human race is commonly known to the female as Mere Man. The Genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.

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LUMINARY, One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not writing about it.

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MAJESTY, n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America.

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Rome has seven sacraments, but the Protestant churches, being less prosperous, feel that they can afford only two, and these of inferior sanctity.

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renown, n. A degree of distinction between notoriety and fame - a little more supportable than the one and a little more intolerable than the other. Sometimes it is conferred by an unfriendly and inconsiderate hand.

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USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Conventionality. Imbued with a decent reverence for this Holy Triad an industrious writer may hope to produce books that will live as long as the fashion.

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JESTER, n. An officer attached to the king's household to amuse the court by ludicrous actions and utterances . . . the king's own conduct and decrees [being] sufficiently ridiculous for the amusement not only of his court but of all mankind.

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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

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Hope is an explorer who surveys the country ahead. That is why we know so much about the Hereafter and so little about the Heretofore.

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Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.

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PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it.

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RUIN, v. To destroy. Specifically, to destroy a maid's belief in the virtue of maids.

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Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.

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Justice is a commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.

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PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction - prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives.

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Economy, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.

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