Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Disappointment Quotes, Years Quotes

Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

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Rome has seven sacraments, but the Protestant churches, being less prosperous, feel that they can afford only two, and these of inferior sanctity.

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War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes

A subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship . . . . [H]is master works for the means wherewith to purchase the idle wag of the Solomonic tail, seasoned with a look of tolerant recognition.

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Heaven: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound on yours.

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Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man. The pig is taught by sermons and epistles / To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Men Quotes , Thinking Quotes

One of the greatest of poets, Coleridge was one of the wisest of men, and it was not for nothing that he read us this parable. Let us have a little less of "hands across the sea," and a little more of that elemental distrust that is the security of nations. War loves to come like a thief in the night; professions of eternal amity provide the night.

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MONARCHICAL GOVERNMENT, n. Government.

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When you have made a catalogue of your friend's faults it is only fair to supply him with a duplicate, so that he may know yours.

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BRANDY, n. A cordial composed on one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan.

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LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.

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Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

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K, n. A consonant; originally precisely that of our H, but altered to its present shape to commemorate the destruction of [one of two lofty columns in] the great temple of Jarute.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Two Quotes , Shapes Quotes

INTENTION, n. The mind's sense of the prevalence of one set of influences over another set; an effect whose cause is the imminence, immediate or remote, of the performance of an involuntary act.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Mind Quotes , Causes Quotes

Indigestion: A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the salvation of mankind. As the simple Red Man of the Western Wild put it, with, it must be confessed, a certain force: 'Plenty well, no pray; big belly ache, heap God.'

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VITUPERATION, n. Saite, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Understanding Quotes , Suffering Quotes