Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Food Quotes, Paris Quotes

DEJEUNER, n. The breakfast of an American who has been in Paris. Variously pronounced.

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You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.

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Scriptures - The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

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You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.

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OVATION, n. n ancient Rome, a definite, formal pageant in honor of one who had been disserviceable to the enemies of the nation. A lesser "triumph."

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Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.

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FREEBOOTER, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude.

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Something that is supposed to typify or stand for something else. Many symbols are mere "survivals" - as funereal urns carved on memorial monuments. We cannot stop making them, but we can give them a name that conceals our helplessness.

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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.

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To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.

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Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.

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REFERENDUM, n. A law for submission of proposed legislation to a popular vote to learn the nonsensus of public opinion.

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LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.

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Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

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Dance, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. There are many kinds of dances, but all those requiring the participation of the two sexes have two characteristics in common: they are conspicuously innocent, and warmly loved by the vicious.

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CONGRESS, n. A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

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