Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot. The dismal witness that it bears and the cowardly counsel that it whispers are unrelated.

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Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man. The pig is taught by sermons and epistles / To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles.

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K, n. A consonant; originally precisely that of our H, but altered to its present shape to commemorate the destruction of [one of two lofty columns in] the great temple of Jarute.

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PRESENTABLE, adj. Hideously appareled after the manner of the time and place.

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The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.

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Mad; adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane.

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An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.

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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet - two clarinets.

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To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.

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Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

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PLATITUDE, n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. All that is mortal of a departed truth. A jelly-fish withering on the shore of the sea of thought. A desiccated epigram.

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MESMERISM, n. Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner.

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MAJESTY, n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America.

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NOVEL, n. A short story padded.

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