Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Vices Quotes, Hermits Quotes

HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.

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Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.

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TECHNICALITY, n. In an English court a man named Home was tried for slander in having accused his neighbor of murder. His exact words were: "Sir Thomas Holt hath taken a cleaver and stricken his cook upon the head, so that one side of the head fell upon one shoulder and the other side upon the other shoulder." The defendant was acquitted by instruction of the court, the learned judges holding that the words did not charge murder, for they did not affirm the death of the cook, that being only an inference.

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EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition.

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A miracle is an act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king.

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COMFORT, n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness.

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Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.

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SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a newspaper or magazine.

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OBLIVION, n. Cold storage for high hopes. A place where ambitious authors meet their works without pride and their betters without envy. A dormitory without an alarm clock.

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UNITARIAN, n. One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.

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PASTIME, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.

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predilection, n. The preparatory stage of disillusion.

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Indigestion: A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the salvation of mankind. As the simple Red Man of the Western Wild put it, with, it must be confessed, a certain force: 'Plenty well, no pray; big belly ache, heap God.'

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UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.

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YESTERDAY, n. The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age.

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A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beetle, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus, and microbe.

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