Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Funny Quotes, God Quotes

Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.

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A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors - to dislodge the worms.

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CALAMITY, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

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Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.

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Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.

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Conversation: A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.

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You cannot adopt politics as a profession and remain honest.

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Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

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Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth.

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COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.

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Immoral" is the judgment of the stalled ox on the gamboling lamb.

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Example is better than following it.

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GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.

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Book - Learning : The dunce's derisive term for all knowledge that transcends his own impertinent ignorance.

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HOG, n. A bird remarkable for the catholicity of its appetite and serving to illustrate that of ours. Among the Mahometans and Jews, the hog is not in favor as an article of diet, but is respected for the delicacy and the melody of its voice. It is chiefly as a songster that the fowl is esteemed; the cage of him in full chorus has been known to draw tears from two persons at once. The scientific name of this dicky-bird is _Porcus Rockefelleri_. Mr. Rockefeller did not discover the hog, but it is considered his by right of resemblance.

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Suddenly to change one's opinions and go over to another party. The most notable flop on record was that of Saul of Tarsus, who has been severely criticised as a turn-coat by some of our partisan journals.

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