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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976

Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.

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NON-COMBATANT, n. A dead Quaker.

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PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.

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OUT-OF-DOORS, n. That part of one's environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. Chiefly useful to inspire poets.

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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.

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LOGOMACHY, n. A war in which the weapons are words and the wounds punctures in the swim-bladder of self-esteem - a kind of contest in which, the vanquished being unconscious of defeat, the victor is denied the reward of success.

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EXECUTIVE, n. An officer of the Government, whose duty it is to enforce the wishes of the legislative power until such time as the judicial department shall be pleased to pronounce them invalid and of no effect.

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An appellate court which reverses the judgment of a popular author's contemporaries, the appellant being his obscure competitor.

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Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.

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Male, A member of the unconsidered or negligible gender. The male of the human race is commonly known to the female as Mere Man. The Genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.

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MONSIGNOR- A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages.

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I believe we shall come to care about people less and less. The more people one knows the easier it becomes to replace them. It's one of the curses of London.

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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.

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HYENA, n. A beast held in reverence by some oriental nations from its habit of frequenting at night the burial-places of the dead. But the medical student does that

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The wife, or bitter half.

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Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

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