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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976

MUMMY, n. - an ancient Egyptian handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals.

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Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.

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REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.

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COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.

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Heaven: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound on yours.

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ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn.

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Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A popular form of abjection, having an element of pride.

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HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.

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PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.

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DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.

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EXILE, n. One who serves his country by residing abroad, yet is not an ambassador.

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PHYSIOGNOMY, n. The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard of excellence.

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RECREATION, n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.

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EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.

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The money-getter who pleads his love of work has a lame defense, for love of work at money-getting is a lower taste than love of money.

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MAMMALIA, n.pl. A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle.

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