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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976

A less popular name for the Second Person of that delectable newspaper Trinity, the Roomer, the Bedder, and the Mealer.

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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

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MANNA, n. A food miraculously given to the Israelites in the wilderness. When it was no longer supplied to them they settled down and tilled the soil, fertilizing it, as a rule, with the bodies of the original occupants.

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COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.

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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.

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Custard: A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.

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Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is. Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable. Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.

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EJECTION, n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty.

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PANTOMIME, n. A play in which the story is told without violence to the language. The least disagreeable form of dramatic action.

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PRESIDENT, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom - and of whom only - it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.

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REAR, n. In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.

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WHEAT, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can be made; . . . also for bread. The French are said to eat more bread "per capita" of population than any other people, which is natural, for only they know how to make the stuff palatable.

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PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it.

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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.

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ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .

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ENOUGH, pro. All there is in the world if you like it.

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