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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976

Book - Learning : The dunce's derisive term for all knowledge that transcends his own impertinent ignorance.

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TAIL, n. The part of an animal's spine that has transcended its natural limitations to set up an independent existence in a world of its own.

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A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed an unfortunate attachment.

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Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.

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Cynicism is that blackguard defect of vision which compels us to see the world as it is, instead of as it should be.

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To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.

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Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.

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Monsieur Franqulin, inventor of electricity. This illustrious savant, after having made several voyages around the world, died on the Sandwich Islands and was devoured by savages, of whom not a single fragment was ever recovered.

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GOOSE, n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These [quills] when inked and drawn mechanically across paper by a person called an "author," there results a very fair and accurate transcript of the fowl's thought and feeling.

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Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

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RUIN, v. To destroy. Specifically, to destroy a maid's belief in the virtue of maids.

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BRANDY, n. A cordial composed on one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan.

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A popular writer writes about what people think. A wise writer offers them something to think about.

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HOMILETICS, n. The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual needs, capacities and conditions of the congregation.

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Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises.

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