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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976

ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Musca maledicta"). The father of Zoology was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us.

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Doubt begins only at the last frontiers of what is possible.

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WAR, n. A by-product of the arts of peace. The most menacing political condition is a period of international amity.

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TABLE D'HOTE, n. A caterer's thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility.

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In theology, the state of a luckless mortal prenatally damned. The doctrine of reprobation was taught by Calvin, whose joy in it was somewhat marred by the sad sincerity of his conviction that although some are foredoomed to perdition, others are predestined to salvation.

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TRICHINOSIS, n. The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.

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LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder.

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RETRIBUTION, n. A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them.

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Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.

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Riven and torn with cannon-shot, the trunks of the trees protruded bunches of splinters like hands, the fingers above the wound interlacing with those below.

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Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.

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Platitude: All that is mortal of a departed truth.

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TENACITY, n. A certain quality of the human hand in its relation to the coin of the realm. It attains its highest development in the hand of authority and is considered a serviceable equipment for a career in politics.

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RESPITE, n. A suspension of hostilities against a sentenced assassin, to enable the Executive to determine whether the murder may not have been done by the prosecuting attorney. Any break in the continuity of a disagreeable expectation.

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Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.

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MAMMON, n. The god of the world's leading religion. The chief temple is in the holy city of New York.

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