Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Business Quotes, Night Quotes

DAY, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. This period is divided into two parts, the day proper and the night, or day improper - the former devoted to sins of business, the latter consecrated to the other sort.

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DELUSION, n. The father of a most respectable family, comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity and many other goodly sons and daughters.

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FOLLY, n. That "gift and faculty divine" whose creative and controlling energy inspires Man's mind, guides his actions and adorns his life.

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Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

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PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.

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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.

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Don't board with the devil if you wish to be fat.

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BABE or BABY, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable for the violence of the sympathies and antipathies it excites in others, itself without sentiment or emotion.

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The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.

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actually, adv. Perhaps; possibly.

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To Dogmatism the Spirit of Inquiry is the same as the Spirit of Evil.

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GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted. By most writers the invention of gunpowder is ascribed to the Chinese, but not upon very convincing evidence. Milton says it was invented by the devil to dispel angels with, and this opinion seems to derive some support from the scarcity of angels.

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I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.

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MUSTANG, n. An indocile horse of the western plains. In English society, the American wife of an English nobleman.

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MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.

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Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.

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