Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Lying Quotes, Writing Quotes

CEMETERY, n. An isolated suburban spot where mourners match lies, poets write at a target and stone-cutters spell for a wager.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Lying Quotes , Writing Quotes

MAJESTY, n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Kings Quotes , Order Quotes

The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men.

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TZETZE (or TSETSE) FLY, n. An African insect ("Glossina morsitans") whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia, though some patients prefer that of the American novelist ("Mendax interminabilis").

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PIE, n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.

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EXILE, n. One who serves his country by residing abroad, yet is not an ambassador.

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Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

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Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

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DELUSION, n. The father of a most respectable family, comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity and many other goodly sons and daughters.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Family Quotes , Faith Quotes

PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method . . . of obtaining money by false pretences [by] "reading character" in the wrinkles [of] the hand. The pretence is not altogether false. . . for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word "dupe."

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Youth looks forward, for nothing is behind! Age backward, for nothing is before.

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Coronation: The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.

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Miss, n. A title which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.

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optimism, n. The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. It is held with greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity, and is most acceptably expounded with disproof - an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death. It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Beautiful Quotes , Fall Quotes

Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.

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A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed an unfortunate attachment.

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