Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Mistake Quotes, Punishment Quotes

Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.

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ROMANCE, n. Fiction that owes no allegiance to the God of Things as They Are. In the novel the writer's thought is tethered to probability, but in romance it ranges at will over the entire region of the imagination . . .

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Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

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PESSIMISM- philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.

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NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

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OBSTINATE, adj. Inaccessible to the truth as it is manifest in the splendor and stress of our advocacy.

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Alligator: The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World.

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Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

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APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom.

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POCKET, n. The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience. In woman this organ is lacking; so she acts without motive, and her conscience, denied burial, remains ever alive, confessing the sins of others.

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CEMETERY, n. An isolated suburban spot where mourners match lies, poets write at a target and stone-cutters spell for a wager.

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SACERDOTALIST, n. One who holds the belief that a clergyman is a priest. Denial of this momentous doctrine is the hardest challenge that is now flung into the teeth of the Episcopalian church by the Neo-Dictionarians.

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LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist now knows to haunt the heart were anciently believed to infest the liver; and even Gascoygne, speaking of the emotional side of human nature, calls it "our hepaticall parte." It was at one time considered the seat of life; hence its name- liver, the thing we live with.

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NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

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DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.

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THEOSOPHY, n. An ancient faith having all the certitude of religion and all the mystery of science.

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