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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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- RICH, adj. Holding in trust and subject to an accounting the property of the indolent, the incompetent, the unthrifty, the envious and the luckless.
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- CENTAUR, n. One of a race of persons who lived before the division of labor had been carried to such a pitch of differentiation, and who followed the primitive economic maxim, "Every man his own horse."
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- Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
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- Duck-bill, n. Your account at your restaurant during the canvas-back season.
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- Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.
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- Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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- Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense.
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- MINISTER, n. An agent of a higher power with a lower responsibility. In diplomacy, an officer sent into a foreign country as the visible embodiment of his sovereign's hostility.
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- Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.
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- REPORTER, n. A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.
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- Impartial - unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy.
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- ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .
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- MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.
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- Advice: The suggestions you give someone else which you hope will work for your benefit.
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- FEMALE, n. One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.
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