Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Native American Quotes, Humor Quotes

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Native American Quotes , Humor Quotes

K, n. A consonant; originally precisely that of our H, but altered to its present shape to commemorate the destruction of [one of two lofty columns in] the great temple of Jarute.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Two Quotes , Shapes Quotes

Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Faith Quotes , Christian Quotes

REALITY, n. The dream of a mad philosopher. That which would remain in the cupel if one should assay a phantom. The nucleus of a vacuum.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Dream Quotes , Philosophy Quotes

ZANY, n. A popular character in old Italian plays, who imitated with ludicrous incompetence the _buffone_, or clown, and was therefore the ape of an ape; for the clown himself imitated the serious characters of the play. The zany was progenitor to the specialist in humor, as we to-day have the unhappiness to know him. In the zany we see an example of creation; in the humorist, of transmission. Another excellent specimen of the modern zany is the curate, who apes the rector, who apes the bishop, who apes the archbishop, who apes the devil.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Character Quotes , Italian Quotes

REVOLUTION, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment. . . . the substitution of the rule of an Administration for that of a Ministry, whereby the welfare and happiness of the people were advanced a full half-inch.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Change Quotes , Happiness Quotes

Legitimate authority to be, to do or to have; as the right to be a king, the right to do one's neighbor, the right to have measles, and the like.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Kings Quotes , Neighbor Quotes

RITUALISM, n. A Dutch Garden of God where He may walk in rectilinear freedom, keeping off the grass.

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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.

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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot. The dismal witness that it bears and the cowardly counsel that it whispers are unrelated.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Brain Quotes , Bears Quotes

Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Retirement Quotes , Women Quotes

SCRAP-BOOK, n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Book Quotes , Fool Quotes

He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Wise Quotes , Believe Quotes

ADAGE, n. Boned wisdom for weak teeth.

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The palmist looks at the wrinkles made by closing the hand and says they signify character. The philosopher reads character by what the hand most loves to close upon.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Character Quotes , Wrinkles Quotes

LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used ... as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate the wrong way. An interesting fact in the chemistry of international controversy is that at the point of contact of two patriotisms lead is precipitated in great quantities.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Science Quotes , Blue Quotes