Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Kings Quotes, Neighbor Quotes

Legitimate authority to be, to do or to have; as the right to be a king, the right to do one's neighbor, the right to have measles, and the like.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Kings Quotes , Neighbor Quotes

HEART, n. Figuratively, this useful organ is said to be the seat of emotions and sentiments . . . . It is now known that sentiments and emotions reside in the stomach, being evolved from food by chemical action of the gastric fluid.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Heart Quotes , Action Quotes

OWE, v. To have (and to hold) a debt. The word formerly signified not indebtedness, but possession; it meant "own," and in the minds of debtors there is still a good deal of confusion between assets and liabilities.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Confusion Quotes , Confusing Quotes

GRAVITATION, n. The tendency of all bodies to approach one another with a strength proportioned to the quantity of matter they contain-the quantity of matter they contain being ascertained by the strength of their tendency to approach one another. This is a lovely and edifying illustration of how science, having made A the proof of B, makes B the proof of A.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Science Quotes , Illustration Quotes

IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes to be considered wrong, wicked, immoral.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Running Quotes , Men Quotes

The wife, or bitter half.

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KISS, n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for "bliss." It is supposed to signify, in a general way, some kind of rite or ceremony appertaining to a good understanding; but the manner of its performance is unknown to this lexicographer.

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Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Distance Quotes , Technology Quotes

A lottery is a tax on stupidity.

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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.

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art, n. This word has no definition.

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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet - two clarinets.

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To those who view the voyage of life from the port of departure the bark that has accomplished any considerable distance appears already in close approach to the farther shore.

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FRYING-PAN, n. One part of the penal apparatus employed in that punitive institution, a woman's kitchen. The frying-pan was invented by Calvin, and by him used in cooking span-long infants that had died without baptism; and observing one day the horrible torment of a tramp who had incautiously pulled a fried babe from the waste-dump and devoured it, it occurred to the great divine to rob death of its terrors by introducing the frying-pan into every household in Geneva. Thence it spread to all corners of the world, and has been of invaluable assistance in the propagation of his sombre faith.

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Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Reality Quotes , Connections Quotes

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes