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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976

The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men.

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Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.

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Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.

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Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

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PARDON, v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.

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HYENA, n. A beast held in reverence by some oriental nations from its habit of frequenting at night the burial-places of the dead. But the medical student does that

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UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.

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PRESIDE, v. To guide the action of a deliberative body to a desirable result. In Journalese, to perform upon a musical instrument; as, "He presided at the piccolo."

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EXPOSTULATION, n. One of the many methods by which fools prefer to lose their friends.

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WOMAN, n. An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication.

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RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For this purpose the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits him to make the transit with great expedition.

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X, n. In our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling reformers, and like them, will doubtless last as long as the language.

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PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction - prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives.

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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

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OYSTER, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails! The shells are sometimes given to the poor.

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hybrid, n. A pooled issue.

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