Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Trying Quotes

The most intolerant advocate is he who is trying to convince himself.

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PIE, n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.

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TALK, v.t. To commit an indiscretion without temptation, from an impulse without purpose.

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REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin.

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RESPITE, n. A suspension of hostilities against a sentenced assassin, to enable the Executive to determine whether the murder may not have been done by the prosecuting attorney. Any break in the continuity of a disagreeable expectation.

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A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go.

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To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.

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UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.

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HOG, n. A bird remarkable for the catholicity of its appetite and serving to illustrate that of ours. Among the Mahometans and Jews, the hog is not in favor as an article of diet, but is respected for the delicacy and the melody of its voice. It is chiefly as a songster that the fowl is esteemed; the cage of him in full chorus has been known to draw tears from two persons at once. The scientific name of this dicky-bird is _Porcus Rockefelleri_. Mr. Rockefeller did not discover the hog, but it is considered his by right of resemblance.

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TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

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INDISCRETION, n. The guilt of woman.

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Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.

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YESTERDAY, n. The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age.

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The money-getter who pleads his love of work has a lame defense, for love of work at money-getting is a lower taste than love of money.

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Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.

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PROPERTY, n. Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies the passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others. The object of man's brief rapacity and long indifference.

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