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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976

OSTRICH, n. A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe . . . . The absence of a good working pair of wings is no defect, for, as has been ingeniously pointed out, the ostrich does not fly.

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Botany, n. The science of vegetables - those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-smelling.

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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

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EXECUTIVE, n. An officer of the Government, whose duty it is to enforce the wishes of the legislative power until such time as the judicial department shall be pleased to pronounce them invalid and of no effect.

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As a means of dispensing formulated ignorance our boasted public school system is not without merit; it spreads out education sufficiently thin to give everyone enough to make him a more competent fool than he would have been without it.

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Patriotism is as fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave, blind as a stone, and irrational as a headless hen.

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RESPITE, n. A suspension of hostilities against a sentenced assassin, to enable the Executive to determine whether the murder may not have been done by the prosecuting attorney. Any break in the continuity of a disagreeable expectation.

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They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.

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An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.

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MANNA, n. A food miraculously given to the Israelites in the wilderness. When it was no longer supplied to them they settled down and tilled the soil, fertilizing it, as a rule, with the bodies of the original occupants.

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Philanthropist, n.: A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.

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A popular writer writes about what people think. A wise writer offers them something to think about.

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The wife, or bitter half.

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predicament, n. The wage of consistency.

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Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.

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A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.

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