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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

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Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

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FORCE, n. "Force is but might," the teacher said p/ "That definition's just."/ The boy said naught but throught instead,/ Remembering his pounded head:/ "Force is not might but must!"

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QUIXOTIC, adj. Absurdly chivalric, like Don Quixote. An insight into the beauty and excellence of this incomparable adjective is unhappily denied to him who has the misfortune to know that the gentleman's name is pronounced Ke-ho-tay.

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GNOSTICS, n. A sect of philosophers who tried to engineer a fusion between the early Christians and the Platonists. The former would not go into the caucus and the combination failed, greatly to the chagrin of the fusion managers.

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Hope is an explorer who surveys the country ahead. That is why we know so much about the Hereafter and so little about the Heretofore.

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DISOBEDIENCE, n. The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.

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DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.

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Congratulations is the civility of envy.

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Good-bye -- if you hear of my being stood up against a stone wall and shot to rags please know that I think that a pretty good way to depart this life. It beats old age, disease or falling down the cellar stairs.

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PICKANINNY, n. The young of the "Procyanthropos", or "Americanus dominans". It is small, black and charged with political fatalities.

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Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

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DEJEUNER, n. The breakfast of an American who has been in Paris. Variously pronounced.

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ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .

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EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition.

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Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.

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