Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Country Quotes, Virtue Quotes

RIGHTEOUSNESS, n. A sturdy virtue that was once found among the Pantidoodles inhabiting the lower part of the peninsula of Oque. Some feeble attempts were made by returned missionaries to introduce it into several European countries . .

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INDIFFERENT, adj. Imperfectly sensible to distinctions among things.

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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.

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SAUCE, n. The one infallible sign of civilization and enlightenment. A people with no sauces has one thousand vices; a people with one sauce has only nine hundred and ninety-nine. For every sauce invented and accepted a vice is renounced and forgiven.

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Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

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A violin is the revenge exacted by the intestines of a dead cat.

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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

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He laughs best who laughs least.

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BABE or BABY, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable for the violence of the sympathies and antipathies it excites in others, itself without sentiment or emotion.

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RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who utters them.

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TRICHINOSIS, n. The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.

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Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.

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LAOCOON, n. A famous piece of antique scripture representing a priest of that name and his two sons in the folds of two enormous serpents. The skill and diligence with which the old man and lads support the serpents and keep them up to their work have been justly regarded as one of the noblest artistic illustrations of the mastery of human intelligence over brute inertia.

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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.

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A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.

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OYSTER, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails! The shells are sometimes given to the poor.

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