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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976

DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.

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ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection.

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Monsieur Franqulin, inventor of electricity. This illustrious savant, after having made several voyages around the world, died on the Sandwich Islands and was devoured by savages, of whom not a single fragment was ever recovered.

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The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

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prospect, n. An outlook, usually forbidding. An expectation, usually forbidden.

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Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure.

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The palmist looks at the wrinkles made by closing the hand and says they signify character. The philosopher reads character by what the hand most loves to close upon.

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One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.

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ELEGY, n. A composition in verse, in which, without employing any of the methods of humor, the writer aims to produce in the reader's mind the dampest kind of dejection.

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RUSSIAN, n. A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul. A Tartar Emetic.

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PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.

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Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.

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PUSH, n. One of the two things mainly conducive to success, especially in politics. The other is Pull.

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Patriotism: The first resort of a scoundrel.

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PRE-EXISTENCE, n. An unnoted factor in creation.

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X, n. In our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling reformers, and like them, will doubtless last as long as the language.

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