Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Revenge Quotes, Cat Quotes

A violin is the revenge exacted by the intestines of a dead cat.

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A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be a wicked imposture, contradictory to the Holy Scriptures.

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War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

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Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps.

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Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to be both a privilege and a duty) means, as commonly interpreted, the right to vote for the man of another man's choice, and is highly prized.

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Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure.

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EUCHARIST, n. A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi. A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as to what it was that they ate. In this controversy some five hundred thousand have already been slain, and the question is still unsettled.

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TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.

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SYLLOGISM, n. A logical formula consisting of a major and a minor assumption and an inconsequent.

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Impartial - unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy.

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Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.

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DEBT, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave-driver. As, pent in an aquarium, the troutlet Swims round and round his tank to find an outlet, Pressing his nose against the glass that holds him, Nor ever sees the prison that enfolds him; So the poor debtor, seeing naught around him, Yet feels the narrow limits that impound him, Grieves at his debt and studies to evade it, And finds at last he might as well have paid it.

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A rabbit's foot may bring good luck to you, but it brought none to the rabbit.

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STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue. The truth of the stories here following has, however, not been successfully impeached.

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Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.

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The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of remarkable Christian forbearance among men - were it not for a mawkish humanitarianism, coupled with imperfect digestive powers, we should devour our young, as Nature intended.

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