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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Cribbage, n. A substitute for conversation among those to whom nature has denied ideas.
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- UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.
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- HEART, n. Figuratively, this useful organ is said to be the seat of emotions and sentiments . . . . It is now known that sentiments and emotions reside in the stomach, being evolved from food by chemical action of the gastric fluid.
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- Advice: The suggestions you give someone else which you hope will work for your benefit.
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- A subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship . . . . [H]is master works for the means wherewith to purchase the idle wag of the Solomonic tail, seasoned with a look of tolerant recognition.
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- MAJESTY, n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America.
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- REPARTEE, n. Prudent insult in retort. Practiced by gentlemen with a constitutional aversion to violence, but a strong disposition to offend. In a war of words, the tactics of the North American Indian.
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- Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another.
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- Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.
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- Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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- PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed with garlic.
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- Riven and torn with cannon-shot, the trunks of the trees protruded bunches of splinters like hands, the fingers above the wound interlacing with those below.
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- PICKANINNY, n. The young of the "Procyanthropos", or "Americanus dominans". It is small, black and charged with political fatalities.
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- Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.
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- Introduction - a social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies.
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- REPORTER, n. A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.
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- DISOBEDIENCE, n. The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.
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- Definition: CONNOISSEUR, n. A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.
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- According to the most trustworthy statistics the number of adult Dullards in the United States is but little short of thirty millions, including the statisticians.
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- Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery.
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