Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sloth Quotes

Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

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ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection.

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KILT, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

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Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.

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SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a newspaper or magazine.

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Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.

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YOUTH, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.

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GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.

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RECOUNT, n. In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.

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LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used ... as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate the wrong way. An interesting fact in the chemistry of international controversy is that at the point of contact of two patriotisms lead is precipitated in great quantities.

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Youth is Gilead, in which is balm for every wound.

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Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.

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Pantheism, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.

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A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.

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A miracle is an act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king.

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For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it.

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PRISON, n. A place of punishments and rewards. The poet assures us that - stone walls do not a prison make.

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BEG, v. To ask for something with an earnestness proportioned to the belief that it will not be given.

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EXCEPTION, n. A thing which takes the liberty to differ from other things of its class, as an honest man, a truthful woman, etc.

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Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.

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