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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.
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- ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him.
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- While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.
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- OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.
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- ZEUS /n./ The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog.
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- ROPE, n. An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about the neck and remains in place one's whole life long.
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- LIAR, n. One who tells an unpleasant truth.
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- HYENA, n. A beast held in reverence by some oriental nations from its habit of frequenting at night the burial-places of the dead. But the medical student does that
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- art, n. This word has no definition.
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- ADMINISTRATION, n. An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. A man of straw, proof against bad-egging and dead-catting.
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- Male, A member of the unconsidered or negligible gender. The male of the human race is commonly known to the female as Mere Man. The Genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.
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- Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
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- Noise: a stench in the ear.
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- EUCHARIST, n. A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi. A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as to what it was that they ate. In this controversy some five hundred thousand have already been slain, and the question is still unsettled.
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- Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
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- Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
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- Doubt is the father of invention.
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- STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue.
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- Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo.
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- ART, n. This word has no definition. Its origin is related by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape as "One day a wag - what would the wretch be at? Shifted a letter of the cipher RAT, And said it was a god's name! . . ."
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