Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Humanity Quotes, Quality Quotes

Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.

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Revelation: a famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.

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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

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A less popular name for the Second Person of that delectable newspaper Trinity, the Roomer, the Bedder, and the Mealer.

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CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.

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RAREBIT n. A Welsh rabbit, in the speech of the humorless, who point out that it is not a rabbit. To whom it may be solemnly explained that the comestible known as toad-in-a-hole is really not a toad, and that riz-de-veau à la financière is not the smile of a calf prepared after the recipe of a she banker.

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A penny saved is a penny to squander.

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Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.

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REPRESENTATIVE, n. In national politics, a member of the Lower House in this world, and without discernible hope of promotion in the next.

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An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.

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The most intolerant advocate is he who is trying to convince himself.

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PASTIME, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.

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PHYSIOGNOMY, n. The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard of excellence.

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Nonsense, n. The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary.

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LECTURER, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.

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PLUNDER, v. To take the property of another without observing the decent and customary reticences of theft. To wrest the wealth of A from B and leave C lamenting a vanishing opportunity.

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Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.

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WASHINGTONIAN, n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good government. In justice to him it should be said that he did not want to.

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DEJEUNER, n. The breakfast of an American who has been in Paris. Variously pronounced.

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