Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Education Quotes, Ignorance Quotes

Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

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The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

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MAGNITUDE, n. Size [that is] purely relative. If everything in the universe were increased 1,000 diameters nothing would be any larger than it was before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been.

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NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.

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A modern school where football is taught.

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FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.

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Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

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Every patriot believes his country better than any other country . . . In its active manifestation-it is fond of killing-patriotism would be well enough if it were simply defensive, but it is also aggressive . . . Patriotism deliberately and with folly aforethought subordinates the interests of a whole to the interests of a part . . . Patriotism is fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave and blind as a stone.

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Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

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Truth - An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.

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WINE, n.Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor," sometimes as "rum." Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man.

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Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.

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MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal.

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Indigestion: A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the salvation of mankind. As the simple Red Man of the Western Wild put it, with, it must be confessed, a certain force: 'Plenty well, no pray; big belly ache, heap God.'

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LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.

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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

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repose, v.i. To cease from troubling.

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TAKE, v.t. To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.

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KISS, n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for "bliss." It is supposed to signify, in a general way, some kind of rite or ceremony appertaining to a good understanding; but the manner of its performance is unknown to this lexicographer.

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Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.

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