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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
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- Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.
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- A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
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- The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.
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- Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
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- NECTAR, n. A drink served at banquets of the Olympian deities. The secret of its preparation is lost, but the modern Kentuckians believe that they come pretty near to a knowledge of its chief ingredient.
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- UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
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- Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
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- EXISTENCE, n. A transient, horrible, fantastic dream,/ Wherein is nothing yet all things do seem:/ From which we're wakened by a friendly nudge/ Of our bedfellow Death, and cry: "O fudge!"
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- PRESIDE, v. To guide the action of a deliberative body to a desirable result. In Journalese, to perform upon a musical instrument; as, "He presided at the piccolo."
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- KILT, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.
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- In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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- If you would be accounted great by your contemporaries, be not too much greater than they.
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- To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.
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- Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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- Inexpedient: Not calculated to advance one's interests.
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- EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition.
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- DUEL, n. A formal ceremony preliminary to reconciliation of two enemies. Great skill is necessary to its satisfactory observance; if awkwardly performed . . . deplorable consequences sometimes ensue. A long time ago a man lost his life.
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- COMPULSION, n. The eloquence of power.
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- Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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