Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Atheism Quotes, Gabriel Quotes

A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread.

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CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.

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Twice – Once too often.

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Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.

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Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

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EJECTION, n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty.

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REALITY, n. The dream of a mad philosopher. That which would remain in the cupel if one should assay a phantom. The nucleus of a vacuum.

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Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

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JESTER, n. An officer attached to the king's household to amuse the court by ludicrous actions and utterances . . . the king's own conduct and decrees [being] sufficiently ridiculous for the amusement not only of his court but of all mankind.

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EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.

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There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only.

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GNU, n. An animal of South Africa, which in its domesticated state resembles a horse, a buffalo and a stag. In its wild condition it is something like a thunderbolt, an earthquake and a cyclone.

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Duty - that which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.

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PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.

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INDIFFERENT, adj. Imperfectly sensible to distinctions among things.

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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.

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PLEBEIAN, n. An ancient Roman who in the blood of his country stained nothing but his hands. Distinguished from the Patrician, who was a saturated solution.

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Men who expect universal peace through invention of destructive weapons of war are no wiser than one who, noting the improvement of agricultural implements, should prophesy an end to the tilling of the soil.

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VANITY, n. The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.

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Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Lying Quotes , Sadness Quotes