Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Rags Quotes, Troops Quotes

FLAG, n. A colored rag borne above troops and hoisted on forts and ships. It appears to serve the same purpose as certain signs that one sees and vacant lots in London

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Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery.

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Disobey n:To celebrate with an appropriate ceremony the maturity of a command

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It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of others from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.

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Miss, n. A title which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.

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Quill: An instrument of torture yielded by a goose and commonly weilded by as ass.

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REPARATION, n. Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.

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According to the most trustworthy statistics the number of adult Dullards in the United States is but little short of thirty millions, including the statisticians.

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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

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IMPROVIDENCE, n. Provision for the needs of to-day from the revenues of to-morrow.

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The place whereon the priest formerly raveled out the small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination and cooked its flesh for the gods. The word is now seldom used, except with reference to the sacrifice of their liberty and peace by a male and a female fool.

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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.

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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

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TAKE, v.t. To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.

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Scriptures - The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

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PERFECTION, n. An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic. The editor of an English magazine having received a letter pointing out the erroneous nature of his views and style, and signed "Perfection," promptly wrote at the foot of the letter: "I don't agree with you," and mailed it to Matthew Arnold.

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To seek a justification for a decision already made.

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PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.

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WEAKNESSES, n.pl. Certain primal powers of Tyrant Woman wherewith she holds dominion over the male of her species, binding him to the service of her will and paralyzing his rebellious energies.

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Genius - to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things.

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