Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Men Quotes, Self Quotes

The poor man's price of admittance to the favor of the rich is his self-respect.

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INADMISSIBLE- Not competent to be considered. Hearsay evidence is inadmissible ... but there is no religion in the world that has any other basis than hearsay evidence.

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REASON, v.i. To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.

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PIGMY, n. One of a tribe of very small men found by ancient travelers in many parts of the world, but by modern in Central Africa only. The Pigmies are so called to distinguish them from the bulkier Caucasians - who are Hogmies.

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INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.

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PRESBYTERIAN, n. One who holds the conviction that the government authorities of the Church should be called presbyters.

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A popular character in old Italian plays, who imitated with ludicrous incompetence the "buffone", or clown, and was therefore the ape of an ape; for the clown himself imitated the serious characters of the play.

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ADAGE, n. Boned wisdom for weak teeth.

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A chop is a piece of leather skillfully attached to a bone and administered to the patients at restaurants.

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A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go.

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Mad; adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane.

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Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

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SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a newspaper or magazine.

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The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men.

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PREHISTORIC, adj. Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.

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WHEAT, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can be made; . . . also for bread. The French are said to eat more bread "per capita" of population than any other people, which is natural, for only they know how to make the stuff palatable.

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PLENIPOTENTIARY, adj. Having full power. A Minister Plenipotentiary is a diplomatist possessing absolute authority on condition that he never exert it.

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Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.

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RECOUNT, n. In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.

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ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn.

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