Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Kindness Quotes, Waste Quotes

LINEN, n. "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp."

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BRANDY, n. A cordial composed on one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan.

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Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

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Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission.

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The circus a place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

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PYRRHONISM- An ancient philosophy, named for its inventor. It consisted of an absolute disbelief in everything but Pyrrhonism. Its modern professors have added that.

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NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.

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SYCOPHANT- One who approaches Greatness on his belly so that he may not be commanded to turn and be kicked. He is sometimes an editor.

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A chop is a piece of leather skillfully attached to a bone and administered to the patients at restaurants.

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Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.

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YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown.

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K, n. A consonant; originally precisely that of our H, but altered to its present shape to commemorate the destruction of [one of two lofty columns in] the great temple of Jarute.

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gratitude, n. A sentiment lying midway between a benefit received and a benefit expected.

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No country is so wild and difficult but men will make it a theater of war.

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HOMOEOPATHY, n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior, for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases, and they can not.

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EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.

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PLEONASM, n. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought.

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MESMERISM, n. Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner.

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EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition. 'I was in the drawing-room, enjoying my dinner,' said Brillat-Savarin, beginning an anecdote. 'What!' interrupted Rochebriant; 'eating dinner in a drawing-room?' 'I must beg you to observe, monsieur,' explained the great gastronome, 'that I did not say I was eating my dinner, but enjoying it. I had dined an hour before.'

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If you want to read a perfect book there is only one way: write it.

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