Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Country Quotes, Men Quotes

Miss, n. A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. In the general abolition of social titles in this our country they miraculously escaped to plague us. If we must have them let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to Mh.

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TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

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Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission.

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TENACITY, n. A certain quality of the human hand in its relation to the coin of the realm. It attains its highest development in the hand of authority and is considered a serviceable equipment for a career in politics.

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Die: To stop sinning suddenly.

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BEG, v. To ask for something with an earnestness proportioned to the belief that it will not be given.

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EXILE, n. One who serves his country by residing abroad, yet is not an ambassador.

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Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

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LUMINARY, One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not writing about it.

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VANITY, n. The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.

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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.

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Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.

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In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

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Houseless: Having paid all taxes on household goods.

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Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.

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Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.

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OYSTER, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails! The shells are sometimes given to the poor.

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Snow pursued by the wind is not wholly unlike a retreating army. In the open field it ranges itself in ranks and battalions; where it can get a foothold it makes a stand; where it can take cover it does so. You may see whole platoons of snow cowering behind a bit of broken wall.

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Irreligion - the principal one of the great faiths of the world.

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Feast, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Religious Quotes , Food Quotes