Ambrose Bierce Quotes

He laughs best who laughs least.

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Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

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PROPERTY, n. Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies the passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others. The object of man's brief rapacity and long indifference.

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RIMER, n. A poet regarded with indifference or disesteem.

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The most offensive egotist is he that fears to say "I" and "me." "It will probably rain" - that is dogmatic. "I think it will rain" - that is natural and modest. Montaigne is the most delightful of essayists because so great is his humility that he does not think it important that we see not Montaigne. He so forgets himself that he employs no artifice to make us forget him.

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BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.

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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

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Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

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STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue.

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CANNON, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.

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Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.

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Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man.

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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

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LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.

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Curiosity, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.

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Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.

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In this world one must have a name; it prevents confusion, even when it does not establish identity. Some, though, are known by numbers, which also seem inadequate distinctions.

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REPRESENTATIVE, n. In national politics, a member of the Lower House in this world, and without discernible hope of promotion in the next.

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Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.

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