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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- REASON, v.i. To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.
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- Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
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- A chop is a piece of leather skillfully attached to a bone and administered to the patients at restaurants.
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- WHEAT, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can be made; . . . also for bread. The French are said to eat more bread "per capita" of population than any other people, which is natural, for only they know how to make the stuff palatable.
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- DEGRADATION, n. One of the stages of moral and social progress from private station to political preferment.
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- POLICE, n. An armed force for protection and participation.
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- ART, n. This word has no definition. Its origin is related by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape as "One day a wag - what would the wretch be at? Shifted a letter of the cipher RAT, And said it was a god's name! . . ."
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- A revolution is a violent change of mismanagement.
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- HATRED, n. A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.
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- Custard: A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.
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- SCARABAEUS, n. The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians, allied to our familiar "tumble-bug." It was supposed to symbolize immortality, the fact that God knew why giving it its peculiar sanctity.
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- Houseless: Having paid all taxes on household goods.
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- A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.
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- ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
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- An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
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- The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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- Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
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- URBANITY, n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York. Its commonest expression is heard in the words, "I beg your pardon," and it is not consistent with disregard of the rights of others.
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- SAUCE, n. The one infallible sign of civilization and enlightenment. A people with no sauces has one thousand vices; a people with one sauce has only nine hundred and ninety-nine. For every sauce invented and accepted a vice is renounced and forgiven.
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- WASHINGTONIAN, n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good government. In justice to him it should be said that he did not want to.
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