Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Army Quotes

PLEONASM, n. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought.

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RESPIRATOR, n. An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an inhabitant of London, whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.

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The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men.

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WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ's tenderness towards widows was one of the most marked features of his character.

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BATH, n. A kind of mystic ceremony substituted for religious worship, with what spiritual efficacy has not been determined.

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HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.

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Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.

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NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.

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MARTYR, One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.

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Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

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predilection, n. The preparatory stage of disillusion.

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A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.

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Worms'-Meat, n. The finished product of which we are the raw material. The contents of the Taj Mahal, the Tombeau Napoleon and the Granitarium. Worms'-meat is usually outlasted by the structure that houses it, but "this too must pass away." Probably the silliest work in which a human being can engage is construction of a tomb for himself. The solemn purpose cannot dignify, but only accentuates by contrast the foreknown futility.

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The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.

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An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.

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A malefactor who atones for making your writing nonsense by permitting the compositor to make it unintelligible.

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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

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Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

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MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees.

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MUMMY, n. - an ancient Egyptian handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Men Quotes , Animal Quotes