Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Lying Quotes, Opinion Quotes

Intolerance is natural and logical, for in every dissenting opinion lies an assumption of superior wisdom.

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HOMILETICS, n. The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual needs, capacities and conditions of the congregation.

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NEWTONIAN, Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when.

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Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.

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Rhubarb: essence of stomach ache.

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NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.

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Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.

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Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission.

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IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes to be considered wrong, wicked, immoral.

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The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.

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ROSTRUM, n. In Latin, the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship. In America, a place from which a candidate for office energetically expounds the wisdom, virtue and power of the rabble.

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If you want to read a perfect book there is only one way: write it.

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SACERDOTALIST, n. One who holds the belief that a clergyman is a priest. Denial of this momentous doctrine is the hardest challenge that is now flung into the teeth of the Episcopalian church by the Neo-Dictionarians.

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ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution.

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Pertaining to a certain order of architecture, otherwise known as Normal American. Most of the public buildings of the United States are of the Ramshackle order, though some of our earlier architects preferred the Ironic. Recent additions to the White House in Washington are Theo-Doric, the ecclesiastic order of the Dorians. They are exceedingly fine and cost one hundred dollars a brick.

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me, pro. The objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in English has three cases, the dominative, the objectionable and the oppressive. Each is all three.

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Immoral" is the judgment of the stalled ox on the gamboling lamb.

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WEATHER, n. The climate of an hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does not interest, but who have inherited the tendency to chatter about it from naked arboreal ancestors whom it keenly concerned. The setting up of official weather bureaus and their maintenance in mendacity prove that even governments are accessible to suasion by the rude forefathers of the jungle.

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URBANITY, n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York. Its commonest expression is heard in the words, "I beg your pardon," and it is not consistent with disregard of the rights of others.

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UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.

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