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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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- LAST, n. A shoemaker's implement, named by a frowning Providence as opportunity to the maker of puns.
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- HEART, n. Figuratively, this useful organ is said to be the seat of emotions and sentiments . . . . It is now known that sentiments and emotions reside in the stomach, being evolved from food by chemical action of the gastric fluid.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Heart Quotes , Action Quotes
- MALTHUSIAN, adj. Pertaining to Malthus and his doctrines, who believed in artificially limiting population, but found that it could not be done by talking. Herod of Judea, all the famous soldiers have been practical exponents of the Malthusian idea.
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- Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
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- Children who have proven themselves to be incorrigible by the age of twelve should be quickly and quietly beheaded, lest they grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate the likeness of their being.
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- OBSERVATORY, n. A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors.
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- April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
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- LICKSPITTLE, n. A useful functionary, not infrequently found editing a newspaper . . . the lickspittle is only the blackmailer under another aspect, although the latter is frequently found as an independent species.
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- PESSIMISM- philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.
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- PRESIDENT, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom - and of whom only - it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.
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- New York is too strenuous for me; it gets on my nerves.
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- HUMORIST, n. A plague that would have softened down the hoar austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with his best wishes, cat-quick.
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- NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.
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- ORTHOGRAPHY, n. The science of spelling by the eye instead of the ear.
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- While you have a future do not live too much in contemplation of your past: unless you are content to walk backward the mirror is a poor guide.
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- ROMANCE, n. Fiction that owes no allegiance to the God of Things as They Are. In the novel the writer's thought is tethered to probability, but in romance it ranges at will over the entire region of the imagination . . .
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- RIGHTEOUSNESS, n. A sturdy virtue that was once found among the Pantidoodles inhabiting the lower part of the peninsula of Oque. Some feeble attempts were made by returned missionaries to introduce it into several European countries . .
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- Duck-bill, n. Your account at your restaurant during the canvas-back season.
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- EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.
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