Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Art Quotes, Two Quotes

picture, n. A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three.

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RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who utters them.

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A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread.

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Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

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GNOSTICS, n. A sect of philosophers who tried to engineer a fusion between the early Christians and the Platonists. The former would not go into the caucus and the combination failed, greatly to the chagrin of the fusion managers.

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STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue. The truth of the stories here following has, however, not been successfully impeached.

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Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.

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HOSPITALITY, n. The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.

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True, more than a half of the green graves in the Grafton cemetery are marked "Unknown," and sometimes it occurs that one thinks of the contradiction involved in "honoring the memory" of him of whom no memory remains to honor; but the attempt seems to do no great harm to the living, even to the logical.

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PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method . . . of obtaining money by false pretences [by] "reading character" in the wrinkles [of] the hand. The pretence is not altogether false. . . for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word "dupe."

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Condole - to show that bereavement is a smaller evil than sympathy.

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predilection, n. The preparatory stage of disillusion.

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UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.

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KISS, n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for "bliss." It is supposed to signify, in a general way, some kind of rite or ceremony appertaining to a good understanding; but the manner of its performance is unknown to this lexicographer.

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Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man. The pig is taught by sermons and epistles / To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles.

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Alligator: The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World.

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repose, v.i. To cease from troubling.

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I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

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REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work upon a book, and so read out of it/ The qualities that you have first read into it.

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TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

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