Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Kissing Quotes, Understanding Quotes

KISS, n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for "bliss." It is supposed to signify, in a general way, some kind of rite or ceremony appertaining to a good understanding; but the manner of its performance is unknown to this lexicographer.

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Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

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COMMENDATION n. The tribute that we pay to achievements that resembles but do not equal our own.

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An army's bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will meet at the hands of their officers, with never a flinching.

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RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who utters them.

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PHOTOGRAPH, n. A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. It is a little better than the work of an Apache, but not quite so good as that of a Cheyenne.

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PUSH, n. One of the two things mainly conducive to success, especially in politics. The other is Pull.

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A rabbit's foot may bring good luck to you, but it brought none to the rabbit.

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To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.

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The most intolerant advocate is he who is trying to convince himself.

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Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.

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Backbite: To ''speak of a man as you find him'' when he can't find you.

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MAGIC, n. An art of converting superstition into coin. There are other arts serving the same high purpose, but the discreet lexicographer does not name them.

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DELUSION, n. The father of a most respectable family, comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity and many other goodly sons and daughters.

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Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.

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Doubt begins only at the last frontiers of what is possible.

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Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.

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MAJESTY, n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America.

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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.

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EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition. 'I was in the drawing-room, enjoying my dinner,' said Brillat-Savarin, beginning an anecdote. 'What!' interrupted Rochebriant; 'eating dinner in a drawing-room?' 'I must beg you to observe, monsieur,' explained the great gastronome, 'that I did not say I was eating my dinner, but enjoying it. I had dined an hour before.'

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