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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- My rackets are run on strictly American lines and they're going to stay that way.
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Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes
- There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- I want to go ahead of Father Time with a scythe of my own.
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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , New Year Quotes
- Golf is a good walk spoiled.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- Some medical beast had revived tar-water in those days as a fine medicine, and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard; having a belief in its virtues correspondent to its nastiness. At the best of times, so much of this elixir was administered to me as a choice restorative, that I was conscious of going about, smelling like a new fence.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes
- What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have never been discovered.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cute Quotes
- I have always been of the opinion that hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes
- A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes
- One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her; and the rule applies to Niagara Falls, to majestic mountains, and to mosques-especially to mosques.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes
- In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist the hole!
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Positive Quotes
- My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jesus Quotes
- Mr. Bazzard's father, being a Norfolk farmer, would have furiously laid about him with a flail, a pitch-fork, and every agricultural implement available for assaulting purposes, on the slightest hint of his son's having written a play.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes
- The lack of money is the root of all evil.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Bible Quotes
- The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes
- Home is the girl's prison and the woman's workhouse.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes