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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows.
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Tags : Al Unser Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes
- Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious.
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Tags : Alan Minter Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes
- To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes
- The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes
- He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- My mother married a very good man ... and she is not at all keen on my doing the same.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I like Wagner's music better than anybody's. It is so loud that one can talk the whole time without other people hearing what one says.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes
- I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes
- In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I buy expensive suits - they just look cheap on me.
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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- There are men who can think no deeper than a fact.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes