Winston Churchill Quotes, Humorous Quotes, Party Quotes

A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.

3 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Party Quotes

Mr. and Mrs. Boffin sat staring at mid-air, and Mrs. Wilfer sat silently giving them to understand that every breath she drew required to be drawn with a self-denial rarely paralleled in history.

4 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

3 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

...it is not necessary to the child to awaken to the sense of the strange and humorous by giving a man a luminous nose...to the child it is sufficiently strange and humorous to have a nose at all.

3 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else unless it is an enemy.

3 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Men Quotes

I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

4 years ago

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Tags : John Donne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him.

4 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

4 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

3 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Life Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Well, sir, let us do what we can to curtail this visit, which can hardly be agreeable to you, and is inexpressibly irksome to me.

4 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

And yet the motives of women are so inscrutable. You remember the woman at Margate whom I suspected for the same reason. No powder on her nose - that proved to be the correct solution. How can you build on such a quicksand? Their most trivial action may mean volumes, or their most extraordinary conduct may depend upon a hairpin or a curling tongs.

4 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Mean Quotes

Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

4 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Poor Mr. Pickwick! ... If he played a wrong card, Miss Bolo looked a small armoury of daggers; if he stopped to consider which was the right one, Lady Snuphanuph would throw herself back in her chair, and smile with a mingled glance of impatience and pity to Mrs. Colonel Wugsby, at which Mrs. Colonel Wugsby would shrug up her shoulders, and cough, as much as to say she wondered whether he ever would begin.

4 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I am engaged in answering that Italian buffoon, Mazotti, whose views upon the larval development of the tropical termites have excited my derision and contempt . . .

4 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

When you get a thing the way you want it, leave it alone.

3 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspiring Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling;the comic and the witty story upon the matter.

4 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

4 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble.

4 years ago

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Tags : Alan Perlis Quotes , Running Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Might I trouble you to open the window, for chloroform vapour does not help the palate.

4 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

Everyone is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people's idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage.

3 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Business Quotes , Humorous Quotes