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Humorous Quotes
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Humorous Quotes 192
- The French complain of everything, and always.
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Tags : Napoleon Bonaparte Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I occasionally get birthday cards from fans. But it's often the same message: They hope it's my last.
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Tags : Al Forman Quotes , Birthday Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Profound Quotes
- He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Life Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- ... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery - go!
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Ophelia Quotes
- His neighbor is a tooth-drawer. That bag at his girdle is full of the teeth that he drew at Winchester fair. I warrant that there are more sound ones than sorry, for he is quick at his work and a trifle dim in the eye.
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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Sorry Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.
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Tags : Al Bernstein Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Knowledge Quotes
- The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling;the comic and the witty story upon the matter.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- "Ah, Miss, hope is an excellent thing for such as has the spirits to bear it!" said Mrs Wickam, shaking her head. "My own spirits is not equal to it, but I don't owe it any grudge. I envys them that is so blest!"
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Doctors Quotes
- The unexpected has happened so continually in my life that it has ceased to deserve the name.
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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes
- Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Animal Quotes
- I have my own views about Nature's methods, though I feel that it is rather like a beetle giving his
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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Nature Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I'll tell you how I'd like to be remembered: As a black man who won the heavyweight title - Who has humorous and who never looked down on those who looked up to him - A man who stood for freedom, justice and equality - And I wouldn't even mind if folks forgot how pretty I was.
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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Freedom Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- My uncle, Mr. Stephen Maple, had been at the same time the most successful and the least respectable of our family, so that we hardly knew whether to take credit for his wealth or to feel ashamed of his position.
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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Uncles Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- ... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Liars Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.
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Tags : Abraham Kaplan Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fitness Quotes , Humorous Quotes