Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes, Humorous Quotes, Sarcasm Quotes

Detection is, or ought to be, an exact science, and should be treated in the same cold and unemotional manner. You have attempted to tinge it with romanticism, which produces much the same effect as if you worked a love-story or an elopement into the fifth proposition of Euclid.

4 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

I occasionally get birthday cards from fans. But it's often the same message: They hope it's my last.

4 years ago

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Tags : Al Forman Quotes , Birthday Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling;the comic and the witty story upon the matter.

4 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.

4 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

They spell it da Vinci and pronounce it da Vinchy. Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

4 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Travel Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Well, I'm a bacteriologist, you know. I live in a nine-hundred-diameter microscope. I can hardly claim to take serious notice of anything that I can see with my naked eye.

4 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Eye Quotes

If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

4 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.

4 years ago

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Tags : Al Bernstein Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Knowledge Quotes

A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.

3 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Party Quotes

Doctors will have more lives to answer for in the next world than even we generals.

3 years ago

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Tags : Napoleon Bonaparte Quotes , War Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I trust that age doth not wither nor custom stale my infinite variety.

4 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

4 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

4 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of confidence, "they are weaned..."

4 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There is, in fact, no law or government at all; and it is wonderful how well things go on without them.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.

4 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

We (The British) have not journeyed across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy.

3 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Ocean Quotes

Here is the piece. If you can't say fornicate can you say copulate or if not that can you say co-habit? If not that would have to say consummate I suppose. Use your own good taste and judgment.

4 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Nirvana is not the blowing out of the candle. It is the extinguishing of the flame because day is come.

4 years ago

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Tags : Rabindranath Tagore Quotes , Death Quotes , Humorous Quotes

For your popular rumour, unlike the rolling stone of the proverb, is one which gathers a deal of moss in its wanderings up and down.

4 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes