Mark Twain Quotes, Honesty Quotes, Humorous Quotes

I am not an economist. I am an honest man!

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Honesty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Don't you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have given me more pleasure.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Some medical beast had revived tar-water in those days as a fine medicine, and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard; having a belief in its virtues correspondent to its nastiness. At the best of times, so much of this elixir was administered to me as a choice restorative, that I was conscious of going about, smelling like a new fence.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The humorous look of children is perhaps the most endearing of all the bonds that hold the Cosmos together.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I feel that there is reason lurking in you somewhere, so we will patiently grope round for it.

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

Who made the world I cannot tell; 'Tis made, and here am I in hell. My hand, though now my knuckles bleed, I never soiled with such a deed.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. E. Housman Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Hands Quotes

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I have often been downcast, but never in despair; I regard our hiding as a dangerous adventure, romantic and interesting at the same time. In my diary I treat all the privations as amusing. I have made up my mind now to lead a different life from other girls and, later on, different from ordinary housewives. My start has been so very full of interest, and that is the sole reason why I have to laugh at the humorous side of the most dangerous moments.

5 years ago

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Tags : Anne Frank Quotes , Girl Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Thou slave, thou wretch, thou coward! Thou little valiant, great in villainy! Thou ever strong upon the stronger side! Thou Fortune's champion, that dost never fight But where her humorous ladyship is by To teach thee safety.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Strong Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Man is but mortal: and there is a point beyond which human courage cannot extend. Mr. Pickwick gazed through his spectacles for an instant on the advancing mass, and then fairly turned his back and-we will not say fled; firstly, because it is an ignoble term, and, secondly, because Mr. Pickwick's figure was by no means adapted for that mode of retreat-he trotted away, at as quick a rate as his legs would convey him;.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The sky was of the deepest blue, with a few white, fleecy clouds drifting lazily across it, and the air was filled with the low drone of insects or with a sudden sharper note as bee or bluefly shot past with its quivering, long-drawn hum, like an insect tuning-fork.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

The house was as empty as a beer closet in premises where painters have been at work.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Beer Quotes

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

No orator can top the one who can give good nicknames.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes