Oscar Wilde Quotes, Humorous Quotes, Vices Quotes

He hadn’t a single redeeming vice.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Vices Quotes

I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Inspirational Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I don't even know what street Canada is on.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Canada Quotes

It is our American habit if we find the foundations of our educational structure unsatisfactory to add another story or wing.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Education Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When you get a thing the way you want it, leave it alone.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspiring Quotes , Humorous Quotes

An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Profound Quotes

If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Self Esteem Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Abraham Kaplan Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Show me a young Conservative and I'll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I'll show you someone with no brains.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Heart Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

In the majority of cases, conscience is an elastic and very flexible article

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

My uncle, Mr. Stephen Maple, had been at the same time the most successful and the least respectable of our family, so that we hardly knew whether to take credit for his wealth or to feel ashamed of his position.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Uncles Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Animal Quotes

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The funniest things are the forbidden.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes