Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There are many pleasant fictions of the law in constant operation, but there is not one so pleasant or practically humorous as that which supposes every man to be of equal value in its impartial eye, and the benefits of all laws to be equally attainable by all men, without the smallest reference to the furniture of their pockets.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Eye Quotes

It's just as unpleasant to get more than you bargain for as to get less.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The less experienced a doctor is, the higher are his notions of professional dignity . . .

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He had never seen a woman doctor before, and his whole conservative soul rose up in revolt at the idea. He could not recall any biblical injunction that the man should remain ever the doctor and the woman the nurse, and yet he felt as if a blasphemy had been committed.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Biblical Quotes

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Both Miss Lavinia and Miss Clarissa had a superstition, however, that he would have declared his passion, if he had not been cut short in his youth (at about sixty) by over-drinking his constitution, and over-doing an attempt to set it right again by swilling Bath water.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Life Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Everyone is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people's idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Business Quotes , Humorous Quotes

We (The British) have not journeyed across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Ocean Quotes

Well, sir, let us do what we can to curtail this visit, which can hardly be agreeable to you, and is inexpressibly irksome to me.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Profound Quotes

Show me a young Conservative and I'll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I'll show you someone with no brains.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Heart Quotes

I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I've lost 30 pounds.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Drinking Quotes

A joke is a very serious thing.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The unexpected has happened so continually in my life that it has ceased to deserve the name.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

One dumb-bell, Watson! Consider an athlete with one dumb-bell. Picture to yourself the unilateral development - the imminent danger of a spinal curvature. Shocking, Watson, shocking!

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Athlete Quotes