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Humorous Quotes
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Humorous Quotes 192
- She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.
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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Crafts Quotes
- An absence of antecedents and of relatives is sometimes an aid rather than an impediment to social advancement . . .
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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes
- Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Because of its vitality, the computing field is always in desperate need of new cliches: Banality soothes our nerves.
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Tags : Alan Perlis Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Technology Quotes
- A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I do not hold that we should rearm in order to fight. I hold that we should rearm in order to parley.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else unless it is an enemy.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Men Quotes
- A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Party Quotes
- I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Inspirational Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Show me a young Conservative and I'll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I'll show you someone with no brains.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Heart Quotes
- "Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I am engaged in answering that Italian buffoon, Mazotti, whose views upon the larval development of the tropical termites have excited my derision and contempt . . .
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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes