Oscar Wilde Quotes, Humorous Quotes, Animal Quotes

Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Animal Quotes

I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Poetry's unnat'ral; no man ever talked poetry 'cept a beadle on boxin' day, or Warren's blackin' or Rowland's oil, or some o' them low fellows; never you let yourself down to talk poetry, my boy.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Talkers are no good doers.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Silence Quotes

My uncle, Mr. Stephen Maple, had been at the same time the most successful and the least respectable of our family, so that we hardly knew whether to take credit for his wealth or to feel ashamed of his position.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Uncles Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"It's an old habit of mine, Wal'r," said the Captain, "any time these fifty year. When you see Ned Cuttle bite his nails, Wal'r, then you may know that Ned Cuttle's aground."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Might I trouble you to open the window, for chloroform vapour does not help the palate.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Dombey sat in the corner of the darkened room in the great arm-chair by the bedside, and Son lay tucked up warm in a little basket bedstead, carefully disposed on a low settee immediately in front of the fire and close to it, as if his constitution were analogous to that of a muffin, and it was essential to toast him brown while he was very new.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

History is written by the victors.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Eating Quotes

When my cats aren't happy, I'm not happy. Not because I care about their mood but because I know they're just sitting there thinking up ways to get even.

5 years ago

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Tags : Percy Bysshe Shelley Quotes , Happy Quotes , Humorous Quotes

You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adolphus Busch Quotes , Money Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I've lost 30 pounds.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Drinking Quotes

... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Liars Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... still his philanthropy was of that gunpowderous sort that the difference between it and animosity was hard to determine.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Bernstein Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Knowledge Quotes