Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

"It's an old habit of mine, Wal'r," said the Captain, "any time these fifty year. When you see Ned Cuttle bite his nails, Wal'r, then you may know that Ned Cuttle's aground."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Girl who sit on Judge's lap get honorable discharge.

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I have witnessed and greatly enjoyed the first act of everything which Wagner created, but the effect on me has always been so powerful that one act was quite sufficient; whenever I have witnessed two acts I have gone away physically exhausted; and whenever I have ventured an entire opera the result has been the next thing to suicide.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

My father must have had some elementary education for he could read and write and keep accounts inaccurately

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Absence - that common cure of love.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can't fool the neighbors.

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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes

Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The covers of this book are too far apart.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Ones real life is often the life that one does not lead.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Trust Quotes

He is like a female llama surprised in her bath.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.

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Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Dammit Sir, it's your duty to get married. You can't always be living for pleasure!

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

The equation for ego is: One over Knowledge.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

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Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Depression Quotes

He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes