Ernest Hemingway Quotes, Funny Quotes, Fathers Day Quotes

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fathers Day Quotes

I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Food Quotes

It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Riches are for spending.

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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Absence - that common cure of love.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Leadership Quotes

He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy - give one and take ten

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

We take greater pains to persuade others that we are happy than in endeavoring to think so ourselves

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jealousy Quotes