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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground.
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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is absolutely fatal.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes
- Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- When they took a young man into Tellson's London house, they hid him somewhere till he was old. They kept him in a dark place, like a cheese, until he had the full Tellson flavour and blue-mould upon him. Then only was he permitted to be seen, spectacularly poring over large books, and casting his breeches and gaiters into the general weight of the establishment.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes
- Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes
- In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
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Tags : Franz Kafka Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fighting Quotes
- It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A dog reflects the family life. Whoever saw a frisky dog in a gloomy family, or a sad dog in a happy one? Snarling people have snarling dogs, dangerous people have dangerous ones.
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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girlfriend Quotes
- A beautiful vacuum filled with wealthy monogamists, all powerful and members of the best families all drinking themselves to death.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes
- Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.
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Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes
- My mother married a very good man ... and she is not at all keen on my doing the same.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes