Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.

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A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

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Really, if the lower orders don't set a good example, what on earth is the use of them?

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Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

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The funniest things are the forbidden.

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Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

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What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

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It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him.

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A good scare is worth more than good advice.

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I'm so overexposed, I'm making Paris Hilton look like a recluse.

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Freedom of the press is guaranteed only to those who own one.

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Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo.

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Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them.

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The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of.

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If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes

The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.

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We have really everything in common with America nowadays, except, of course, language.

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I want to go ahead of Father Time with a scythe of my own.

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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , New Year Quotes