Adam Ferrara Quotes, Rain Quotes, Home Quotes

If you're in California and it's raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It's like it's raining frogs. They're terrified.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Rain Quotes , Home Quotes

I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

4 years ago

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The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes

I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.

4 years ago

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Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Years Quotes , Funny Marriage Quotes

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

4 years ago

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What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

4 years ago

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I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

4 years ago

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I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

4 years ago

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My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Dad Quotes , Car Quotes

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

4 years ago

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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'

4 years ago

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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes

If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'

4 years ago

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I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girlfriend Quotes

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

4 years ago

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