Adam Ferrara Quotes, Jobs Quotes, Father Quotes

I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.

5 years ago

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If you're in California and it's raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It's like it's raining frogs. They're terrified.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Rain Quotes , Home Quotes

My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.

5 years ago

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The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.

5 years ago

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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'

5 years ago

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Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

5 years ago

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As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'

5 years ago

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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

5 years ago

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One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'

5 years ago

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The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Years Quotes , Funny Marriage Quotes

I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Distance Quotes , Believe Quotes

I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring. Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. 'Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain't getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Home Quotes , Cutting Quotes

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

5 years ago

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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.

5 years ago

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Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

5 years ago

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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.

5 years ago

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What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

5 years ago

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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

5 years ago

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My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Dad Quotes , Car Quotes