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Adam Ferrara Quotes 33

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

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Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.

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Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

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I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.

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I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.

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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

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I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

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I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.

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I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring. Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. 'Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain't getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.'

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Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

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5 years ago

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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'

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My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.

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If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'

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What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.

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As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'

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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'

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The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.

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The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

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