Adam Ferrara Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

4 years ago

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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.

4 years ago

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I woke up my pop in the middle of the night 'cause the boogie man's under my bed. My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, 'Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man's under the bed!' Pop opens one eye, he's like, 'Is the boogie man bigger than me?' 'Well, no Daddy, he's not.' 'Well, you got your choice: you can deal with the boogie man or you can deal with me.'

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Years Quotes , Funny Marriage Quotes

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

4 years ago

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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

4 years ago

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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.

4 years ago

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I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

4 years ago

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If you're in California and it's raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It's like it's raining frogs. They're terrified.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Rain Quotes , Home Quotes

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

4 years ago

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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

4 years ago

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Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

4 years ago

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I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

4 years ago

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The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

4 years ago

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I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring. Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. 'Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain't getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.'

4 years ago

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The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.

4 years ago

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Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Dad Quotes , Car Quotes

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'

4 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes