Mark Twain Quotes, Witty Quotes, Humorous Quotes

The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling;the comic and the witty story upon the matter.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I have been born more times than anybody except Krishna.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Novelists Quotes

Sometimes I lifted a chicken that warn't roosting comfortable, and took him along. Pap always said, take a chicken when you get achance, because if you don't want him yourself you can easy find somebody that does, and a good deed ain't ever forgot. I never see papa when he didn't want the chicken himself, but that is what he used to say, anyway.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hypocrisy Quotes , Papa Quotes

There are only two types of speakers in the world. 1. The nervous and 2. Liars.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Liars Quotes , Skills Quotes

I don't want my girl to be so skinny she can knife me with her knee.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Girl Quotes , Knives Quotes

There are 869 different forms of lying, but only one of them has been squarely forbidden. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Different Quotes

There are three kinds of liars: liars, damned liars, and statisticians

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Liars Quotes , Three Quotes

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations, and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humor Quotes , Yield Quotes

You may say organize, organize, organize; but there may be so much organization that it will interfere with the work to be done.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hard Work Quotes , Organization Quotes

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Bible Quotes

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The world has corrected the Bible. The church never corrects it; and also never fails to drop in at the tail of the procession-and take the credit of the correction.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Church Quotes , Tails Quotes

Against a diseased imagination demonstration goes for nothing.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Imagination Quotes , Atheism Quotes

There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land (and work) again after a cheerful, careless voyage.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Travel Quotes , Land Quotes

Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Doe Quotes , Facts Quotes

Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one, I think it is.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Honesty Quotes , Thinking Quotes

It is easy to make plans in this world; even a cat can do it; and when one is out in those remote oceans it is noticeable that a cat's plans and a man's are worth about the same. There is much the same shrinkage in both, in the matter of values.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ocean Quotes , Cat Quotes

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Overnight success is a fallacy. It is preceded by a great deal of preparation. Ask any successful person how they came to this point in their lives, and they will have a story to tell.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Life Quotes , Successful Quotes

I am not given to exaggeration, and when I say a thing I mean it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mean Quotes , Given Quotes

I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Vices Quotes