Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Uncles Quotes

A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Uncles Quotes

If we were meant to talk more than listen, we would have two mouths and one ear.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Motivational Quotes , Educational Quotes

My first American ancestor, gentlemen, was an Indian-an early Indian. Your ancestors skinned him alive, and I am an orphan. All those Salem witches were ancestors of mine. Your people made it tropical for them. . . . The first slave brought into New England out of Africa was an ancestor of mine-for I am a mixed breed, an infinitely shaded and exquisite Mongrel.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , People Quotes , Gentleman Quotes

A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificant by and by.

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We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.

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I think a compliment ought always to precede a complaint, where one is possible, because it softens resentment and insures for the complaint a courteous and gentle reception.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Complaining Quotes

We were good boys, good Presbyterian boys, and loyal and all that; anyway, we were good Presbyterian boys when the weather was doubtful; when it was fair, we did wander a little from the fold.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Boys Quotes , Weather Quotes

Let your secret sympathies and your compassion be always with the under dog in the fight -- this is magnanimity; but bet on the other one -- this is business.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dog Quotes , Business Quotes

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ignorance Quotes , Clean Desk Quotes

I am a democrat only on principle, not by instinct, nobody is that. Doubtless some people say they are, but this world is grievously given to lying.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , People Quotes

[I] shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes. Indeed, upon second thought, I will not use it then, for it is unchristian, inelegant, and degrading--though to speak truly I do not see how house rent and taxes are going to be discussed worth a cent without it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , House Quotes , Speak Quotes

If you want to change the future, you must change what you're doing in the present.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Future Quotes , Want Quotes

To my mind that literature is best and most enduring which is characterized by a noble simplicity.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Simplicity Quotes , Mind Quotes

The less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Logic Quotes , Tradition Quotes

If true, rarely beautiful. If beautiful, rarely true.

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Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Atheist Quotes , Believe Quotes

But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery - go!

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Ophelia Quotes

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Life Quotes

God has put something noble and good into every heart His hand created.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Hands Quotes

The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Salary Quotes