Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Thinking Quotes

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Birthday Quotes

Can it be possible that the painters make John the Baptist a Spaniard in Madrid and an Irishman in Dublin?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Pain Quotes , Baptists Quotes

Saturday morning was come, and all the summer world was bright and fresh, and brimming with life. There was a song in every heart; and if the heart was young, the music issued at the lips. There was cheer in every face and a spring in every step. The locust-trees were in bloom, and the fragrance of the blossoms filled the air. Cardiff Hill, beyond the village and above, it was green with vegetation, and it lay just far enough away to seem a Delectable Land, dreamy, reposeful, and inviting.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Summer Quotes , Song Quotes

If true, rarely beautiful. If beautiful, rarely true.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Beautiful Quotes , Wisdom Quotes

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Deceiving Others Quotes , People Quotes

A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to you than the ninety-and -nine which you had to work for, and money won at faro or in stock snuggles into your heart in the same way.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Luck Quotes

Nothing so focuses the mind as the prospect of being hanged.

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We have the best government that money can buy.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

It is best to read the weather forecast before praying for rain.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Rain Quotes , Weather Quotes

It is no use to keep private information which you can't show off.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Writing Quotes , Use Quotes

In German, a young lady has no sex, but a turnip has

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sex Quotes , Young Quotes

A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom when he can no longer be led by the nose.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wisdom Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

We have an insanity plea that would have saved Cain.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Law Quotes , Insanity Quotes

when we badly want a thing, we go to hunting for good and righteous reasons for it; we give it that fine name to comfort our consciences, whereas we privately know we are only hunting for plausible ones.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hunting Quotes , Names Quotes

There are no standards of taste in wine... Each man's own taste is the standard, and a majority vote cannot decide for him or in any slightest degree affect the supremacy of his own standard.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Food Quotes , Wine Quotes

Let your joy be unconfined!

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We consider that any man who can fiddle all through one of those Virginia Reels without losing his grip may be depended upon in any kind of musical emergency.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Music Quotes , Men Quotes

You have heretofore found out, by my teachings, that man is a fool; you are now aware that woman is a damned fool.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Teaching Quotes , Men Quotes