Mark Twain Quotes

Chastity - you can carry it too far.

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...we all know that in all matters of mere opinion that [every] man is insane-just as insane as we are...we know exactly where to put our finger upon his insanity: it is where his opinion differs from ours....All Democrats are insane, but not one of them knows it. None but the Republicans. All the Republicans are insane, but only the Democrats can perceive it. The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

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A monarch, when good, is entitled to the consideration which we accord to a pirate who keeps Sunday School between crimes; when bad, he is entitled to none at all.

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Whenever the human race assembles to a number exceeding four, it cannot stand free speech.

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Are you so unobservant as not to have found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination?

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When a humorist ventures upon the grave concerns of life he must do his job better than another man or he works harm to his cause.

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The catfish is Plenty good enough fish for anyone

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Writing is the easiest thing in the world.... Just try it sometime. I sit up with a pipe in my mouth and a board on my knees and I scribble away.

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There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.

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When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

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Happiness ain't a thing in itself -it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so, as soon as the novelty is over and the force of the contrast dulled, it ain't happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh.

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Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

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Of the demonstrably wise there are but two: those who commit suicide, & those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied with drink.

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There are no grades of vanity; there are only grades of ability in concealing it.

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Let us be grateful to Adam: he cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of labor.

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It is best to read the weather forecast before praying for rain.

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Do not complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many.

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To place man properly at the present time, he stands somewhere between the angels and the French.

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An inglorious peace is better than a dishonorable war.

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If all men were rich, all men would be poor.

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