Mark Twain Quotes, God Quotes, Heaven Quotes

Now I can only pray that there may be a God -- and a heaven -- or something better.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , God Quotes , Heaven Quotes

Change is the handmaiden Nature requires to do her miracles with.

6 years ago

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Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

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The human race was always interesting and we know by its past that it will always continue so, monotonously.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Past Quotes , Race Quotes

Next you'd see a raft sliding by, away off yonder, and maybe a galoot on it chopping. . . you'd see the ax flash and come down-you don't hear nothing; you see the ax go up again, and by the time it's above the man's head then you hear the k'chunk!-it had took all that time to come over the water.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Math Quotes , Science Quotes

To create man was a quaint and original idea, but to add the sheep was tautology.

6 years ago

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Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead.

6 years ago

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I think the Cincinnati Enquirer must be edited by children.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Children Quotes , Thinking Quotes

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

That reminds me to remark, in passing, that the very first official thing I did, in my administration-and it was on the first day of it, too-was to start a patent office; for I knew that a country without a patent office and good patent laws was just a crab, and couldn't travel any way but sideways or backways.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Science Quotes

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Senior Quotes

The Koran does not permit Mohammedans to drink. Their natural instincts do not permit them to be moral. They say the Sultan has eight hundred wives. This almost amounts to bigamy.

6 years ago

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The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo.

6 years ago

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When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religion Quotes , Atheism Quotes

Are you so unobservant as not to have found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination?

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Happiness Quotes , Impossible Quotes

The existing phrasebooks are inadequate. They are well enough as far as they go, but when you fall down and skin your leg they don't tell you what to say.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fall Quotes , Skins Quotes

To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.

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Eight grown Americans out of ten dread the coming of the Fourth, with its pandemonium and its perils, and they rejoice when it is gone-if still alive.

6 years ago

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Whenever the human race assembles to a number exceeding four, it cannot stand free speech.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Race Quotes , Numbers Quotes

If there is one thing that is really cheerful in the world, it is cheerfulness. I have noticed it often. And I have noticed that when a man is right down cheerful, he is seldom unhappy for the time being. Such is the nature of man.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Unhappy Quotes