Mark Twain Quotes, Prayer Quotes, Odds Quotes

When you got to the table you couldn't go right to eating, but you had to wait for the widow to tuck down her head and grumble a little over the victuals, though there warn't really anything the matter with them. That is, nothing only everything was cooked by itself. In a barrel of odds and ends it is different; things get mixed up, and the juice kind of swaps around, and the things go better.

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Men write many fine and plausible arguments in support of monarchy, but the fact remains that where every man has a voice, brutal laws are impossible

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Witty Quotes , Writing Quotes

It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Overnight success is a fallacy. It is preceded by a great deal of preparation. Ask any successful person how they came to this point in their lives, and they will have a story to tell.

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I have been studying the traits and dispositions of the "lower animals" (so called) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result humiliating to me.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dog Quotes , Animal Quotes

Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

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Wine is a clog to the pen, not an inspiration.

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From the dome of St. Peter's one can see every notable object in Rome... He can see a panorama that is varied, extensive, beautiful to the eye, and more illustrious in history than any other in Europe.

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Independence-is loyalty to one's best self and principles, and this is often disloyalty to the general idols and fetishes.

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Each nation knowing it has the only true religion and the only sane system of government, each despising all the others, each an ass and not suspecting it.

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Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it, and the frog generally dies as a result.

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A man who chooses not to read is just as ignorant as a man who cannot read.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again and that is well but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.

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The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopt.

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Not until you become a stranger to yourself will you be able to make acquaintance with the Friend.

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I can speak French but I cannot understand it.

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The silent colossal National Lie that is the support and confederate of all the tyrannies and shams and inequalities and unfairnesses that afflict the peoples — that is the one to throw bricks and sermons at.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Support Quotes

Priapism is what happens when someone gets strangulated to the point of hypoxia.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes

It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions. Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made he (man) is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one...that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain. The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sports Quotes , Dog Quotes

My first American ancestor, gentlemen, was an Indian-an early Indian. Your ancestors skinned him alive, and I am an orphan. All those Salem witches were ancestors of mine. Your people made it tropical for them. . . . The first slave brought into New England out of Africa was an ancestor of mine-for I am a mixed breed, an infinitely shaded and exquisite Mongrel.

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