Mark Twain Quotes, Lying Quotes, Said Quotes

Carlyle said 'a lie cannot live.' It shows that he did not know how to tell them.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Said Quotes

Comedy keeps the heart sweet; but we all know that there is wholesome refreshment for both mind and heart in an occasional climb among the pomps of the intellectual snow-summits built by Shakespeare and those others.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sweet Quotes , Heart Quotes

The poetry is all in the anticipation, for there is none in reality.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Reality Quotes , Anticipation Quotes

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Thinking Quotes

But they (the infantry) had no use for boys of twelve and thirteen, and before I had a chance in another war, the desire to kill people to whom I had not been introduced had passed away.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , War Quotes , Boys Quotes

Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Passion Quotes , Abstinence Quotes

I don't believe there is anything in the whole earth that you can't learn in Berlin except the German language.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Believe Quotes , German Language Quotes

What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can; honestly if we must. Who is God, the one and only true? Money is God. Gold and Greenbacks and Stock-father, son, and ghosts of same, three persons in one; These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Father Quotes , Son Quotes

If you take epitaphs seriously, we ought to bury the living and resurrect the dead.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Epitaph Quotes , Ought Quotes

What is it that strikes a spark of humor from a man? It is the effort to throw off, to fight back the burden of grief that is laid on each one of us. In youth we don't feel it, but as we grow to manhood we find the burden on our shoulders. Humor? It is nature's effort to harmonize conditions. The further the pendulum swings out over woe the further it is bound to swing back over mirth.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Grief Quotes , Humor Quotes

My heart goes out to anyone who is making his first appearance before an audience of human beings.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Firsts Quotes

There are those who would misteach us that to stick in a rut is consistency - and a virtue, and that to climb out of the rut is inconsistency - and a vice.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Leadership Quotes

The true and lasting genius of humour does not drag you thus to boxes labelled 'pathos,' 'humour,' and show you all the mechanism of the inimitable puppets that are going to perform. How I used to laugh at Simon Tapperwit, and the Wellers, and a host more! But I can't do it now somehow; and time, it seems to me, is the true test of humour. It must be antiseptic.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humor Quotes , Laughing Quotes

The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. I speak now, of course, in the supposition that the gentle reader has not been abroad, and therefore is not already a consummate ass. If the case be otherwise, I beg his pardon and extend to him the cordial hand of fellowship and call him brother.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Travel Quotes , Brother Quotes

The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying that such a laugh was money in a man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor's bills like everything.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Laughter Quotes , Cutting Quotes

He gossips habitually; he lacks the common wisdom to keep still that deadly enemy of man, his own tongue.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Envy Quotes

That is a society editor, sitting there elegantly dressed, with his legs crossed in that indolent way, observing the clothes the ladies wear, so that he can describe them for his paper and make them out finer than they are and get bribes for it and become wealthy.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Editors Quotes , Clothes Quotes

There is not a single celebrated Southern name in any of the departments of human industry except those of war, assassination, lynching, murder, the duel, repudiation, & massacre.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , War Quotes , Lynching Quotes

In religion, India is the only millionaire... the One land that all men desire to see, and having seen once, by even a glimpse, would not give that glimpse for all the shows of all the rest of the globe combined.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Past Quotes , Men Quotes

In religion and politics people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Inspiring Quotes