Mark Twain Quotes, Politics Quotes, Fleas Quotes

Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Politics Quotes , Fleas Quotes

It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want—oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Spring Quotes , Heart Quotes

God could create the world in six days because he didn't have to make it compatible with the previous version. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fun Quotes , Heaven Quotes

Beautiful credit! The foundation of modern society. Who shall say that this is not the golden age of mutual trust, of unlimited reliance upon human promises? That is a peculiar condition of society which enables a whole nation to instantly recognize point and meaning in the familiar newspaper anecdote, which puts into the mouth of a distinguished speculator in lands and mines this remark: -- I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two millions of dollars.

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Priapism is what happens when someone gets strangulated to the point of hypoxia.

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Don't wait the time is never just right.

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These people´s God has shown them by a million acts that he respects none of the Bible´s statues. He breaks every one of them himself, adultery and all.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , People Quotes , Adultery Quotes

A friend is someone who stays in when the rest of the world has gone out.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Flower Quotes , Gone Quotes

You may honestly feel grateful that homeopathy survived the attempts of the allopaths (orthodoxy) to destroy it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Grateful Quotes , Dark Quotes

when the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity.

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Delicacy - a sad, sad false delicacy - robs literature of the two best things among its belongings: Family-circle narratives & obscene stories.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Circles Quotes , Two Quotes

A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.

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Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Men Quotes

A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Clever Quotes , Law Quotes

Conductor, when you receive a fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare. A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare, A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare! Punch, brothers! punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare!

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Brother Quotes , Eight Quotes

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

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Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I think we never become really and genuinely our entire and honest selves until we are dead--and not then until we have been dead years and years. People ought to start dead, and they would be honest so much earlier.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Death Quotes , Honesty Quotes

To believe yourself brave is to be brave; it is the one only essential thing.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Courage Quotes , Believe Quotes

How often we recall with regret that Napoleon once shot at a magazine editor and missed him and killed a publisher. But we remember with charity that his intentions were good.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Regret Quotes , Editors Quotes