Mark Twain Quotes, Analyzing Quotes, Frogs Quotes

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it, and the frog generally dies as a result.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Analyzing Quotes , Frogs Quotes

There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three form a rising scale of compliment: 1, to tell him you have read one of his books; 2, to tell him you have read all of his books; 3, to ask him to let you read the manuscript of his forthcoming book. No. 1 admits you to his respect; No. 2 admits you to his admiration; No. 3 carries you clear into his heart.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Heart Quotes

A pilot must have a memory developed to absolute perfection. But there are two higher qualities which he also must have. He must have good and quick judgment and decision, and a cool, calm courage that no peril can shake.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Memories Quotes , Two Quotes

When I take up one of Jane Austen's books ... I feel like a barkeep entering the kingdom of heaven. I know what his sensation would be and his private comments. He would not find the place to his taste, and he would probably say so.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Heaven Quotes

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wise Quotes , Witty Quotes

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Relationship Quotes , Men Quotes

I hate to hear people say this Judge will vote so and so, because he is a Democrat -- and this one so and so because he is a Republican. It is shameful. The Judges have the Constitution for their guidance; they have no right to any politics save the politics of rigid right and justice when they are sitting in judgment upon the great matters that come before them.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hate Quotes , People Quotes

Training- training is everything; training is all there is to a person. We speak of nature; it is folly; there is no such thing as nature; what we call by that misleading name is merely heredity and training. We have no thoughts of our own, no opinions of our own; they are transmitted to us, trained into us.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Names Quotes , Training Quotes

How charmed I am when I overhear a German word which I understand!

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , German Language Quotes , Language Quotes

My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.

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What a man wants with religion in these breadless times, surpasses my comprehension.

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Humor is the good natured side of a truth.

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If you don't know how to pronounce a word, say it loudly. Do not compound mispronunciation with inaudibility

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Compounds Quotes , Knows Quotes

Vote: The only commodity that is peddleable without a license.

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An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth.

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France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. France is miserable because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because they live in France.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Summer Quotes , Winter Quotes

The lie, as a virtue, a principle, is eternal; the lie, as a recreation, a solace, a refuge in time of need, the fourth Grace, the tenth Muse, man's best and surest friend is immortal

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Men Quotes

In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, one when he was a boy and one when he was a man

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Boys Quotes , Men Quotes

When whole races and peoples conspire to propagate gigantic mute lies in the interest of tyrannies and shams, why should we care anything about the trifling lies told by individuals?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Race Quotes

My father and I were always on the most distant terms when I was a boy--a sort of armed neutrality, so to speak. At irregular intervals this neutrality was broken, and suffering ensued; but I will be candid enough to say that the breaking and the suffering were always divided up with strict impartiality between us--which is to say, my father did the breaking, and I did the suffering.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Father Quotes , Boys Quotes