Mark Twain Quotes, Humorous Quotes, Crafts Quotes

The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Crafts Quotes

It is my custom to keep on talking until I get the audience cowed.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Talking Quotes , Cows Quotes

There isn't any way to libel the human race.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Race Quotes , Way Quotes

Now when I had mastered the language of this water, and had come to know every trifling feature that bordered the great river as familiarly as I knew the letters of the alphabet, I had made a valuable acquisition. But I had lost something, too. I had lost something which could never be restored me while I lived. All the grace, the beauty, the poetry, had gone out of the majestic river!

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Rivers Quotes , Water Quotes

Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah saw in his whole lifetime.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Girl Quotes , Time Quotes

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes

A Patriot is someone who stands for his country always, and for his government when it is deserved.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Government Quotes

Every year you wait, long ago gets farther away.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Long Ago Quotes , Years Quotes

The most outrageous lies that can be invented will find believers if a person only tells them with all his might.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Might Quotes

I've dealt with many crises in my life, but few will ever happen.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Reality Quotes , Crisis Quotes

My sister...was an interested and zealous invalid during sixty-five years, tried all the new diseases as fast as they came out, and always enjoyed the newest one more than any that went before; my brother had accumulated forty-two brands of Christianity before he was called away.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Brother Quotes , Years Quotes

The secret of getting ahead is getting started

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Life Quotes

There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Life Quotes

Men write many fine and plausible arguments in support of monarchy, but the fact remains that where every man has a voice, brutal laws are impossible

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Witty Quotes , Writing Quotes

If you take epitaphs seriously, we ought to bury the living and resurrect the dead.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Epitaph Quotes , Ought Quotes

Few of us stand prosperity; another man's I mean.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mean Quotes , Men Quotes

I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If true, rarely beautiful. If beautiful, rarely true.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Beautiful Quotes , Wisdom Quotes

There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Stars Quotes , Science Quotes

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Inspiring Quotes