Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Cat Quotes

Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.

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Rags, wretchedness, poverty and dirt, those signs and symbols that indicate the presence of [Muslim] rule more surely than the crescent-flag itself, abound.

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We are all ignorant; just about different things.

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It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.

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In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, one when he was a boy and one when he was a man

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Boys Quotes , Men Quotes

Sagebrush is a very fair fuel, but as a vegetable it is a distinguished failure. Nothing can abide the taste of it but the jackass and his illegitimate child the mule.

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To be satisfied with what one has; that is wealth. As long as one sorely needs a certain additional amount, that man isn't rich.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Long Quotes

The frankest and freest product of the human mind and heart is a love letter; the writer gets his limitless freedom of statement and expression from his sense that no stranger is going to see what he is writing.

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The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.

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In religion, India is the only millionaire... the One land that all men desire to see, and having seen once, by even a glimpse, would not give that glimpse for all the shows of all the rest of the globe combined.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Past Quotes , Men Quotes

Darwin abolished special creations, contributed the Origin of Species and hitched all life together in one unbroken procession of Siamese Twins, the whole evolved by natural and orderly processes from one microscopic parent germ.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Science Quotes

from the beginning of my sojourn in this world there was a persistent vacancy in me where the industry ought to be. (Ought to was is better, perhaps, though the most of the authorities differ as to this.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Vacancy Quotes , World Quotes

It takes a thousand men to invent a telegraph, or a steam engine, or a phonograph, or a photograph, or a telephone or any other important thing-and the last man gets the credit and we forget the others. He added his little mite - that is all he did. These object lessons should teach us that ninety-nine parts of all things that proceed from the intellect are plagiarisms, pure and simple; and the lesson ought to make us modest. But nothing can do that.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Simple Quotes , Men Quotes

In all the ages the Roman Church has owned slaves, bought and sold slaves, authorized and encouraged her children to trade in them. . . . There were the texts; there was no mistaking their meaning; . . . she was doing in all this thing what the Bible had mapped out for her to do. So unassailable was her position that in all the centuries she had no word to say against human slavery.

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There is no such thing as a new idea. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope.

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I have thought many times since that if poets when they get discouraged would blow their brains out, they could write very much better when they got well.

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A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a book or newspaper the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.

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I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hilarious Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

I wonder if God created man because He was disappointed with the monkey.

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My mind changes often ... People who have no mind can easily be steadfast and firm, but when a man is loaded down to the guards with it, as I am, every heavy sea of foreboding or inclination, maybe of indolence, shifts the cargo.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Sea Quotes