Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Humorous Quotes, Profound Quotes

An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Profound Quotes

It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Mrs. Boffin, insisting that Bella should make tomorrow's expedition in the chariot, she went home in great grandeur. Mrs. Wilfer and Miss Lavinia had speculated much on the probabilities and improbabilities of her coming in this gorgeous state, and, on beholding the chariot from the window at which they were secreted to look out for it, agreed that it must be detained at the door as long as possible, for the mortification and confusion of the neighbours.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Well, sir, let us do what we can to curtail this visit, which can hardly be agreeable to you, and is inexpressibly irksome to me.

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble.

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Tags : Alan Perlis Quotes , Running Quotes , Humorous Quotes

One dumb-bell, Watson! Consider an athlete with one dumb-bell. Picture to yourself the unilateral development - the imminent danger of a spinal curvature. Shocking, Watson, shocking!

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Athlete Quotes

The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Kindness Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He had never seen a woman doctor before, and his whole conservative soul rose up in revolt at the idea. He could not recall any biblical injunction that the man should remain ever the doctor and the woman the nurse, and yet he felt as if a blasphemy had been committed.

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Biblical Quotes

Entrepreneurs are simply those who understand that there is little difference between obstacle and opportunity and are able to turn both to their advantage.

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Tags : Niccolo Machiavelli Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Opportunity Quotes

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

But Rosa soon made the discovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut the love-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female celibacy, and was guilty of other glaring pious frauds.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.

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Tags : Abraham Kaplan Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I have my own views about Nature's methods, though I feel that it is rather like a beetle giving his

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Nature Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It's just as unpleasant to get more than you bargain for as to get less.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from a pulpit-"and let my words be took down and took to Mrs. Cruncher through yourself-that wot my opinions respectin' flopping has undergone a change, and that wot I only hope with all my heart as Mrs. Cruncher may be a flopping at the present time."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The humorous look of children is perhaps the most endearing of all the bonds that hold the Cosmos together.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes