Adam Carolla Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.

5 years ago

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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?

5 years ago

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If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

5 years ago

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No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.

5 years ago

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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do.

5 years ago

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If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'

5 years ago

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I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.

5 years ago

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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.

5 years ago

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When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.

5 years ago

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People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.'

5 years ago

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Lets not focus on saving a nickel... lets focus on making a buck.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Focus Quotes , Saving Quotes

I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.

5 years ago

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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

5 years ago

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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

5 years ago

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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women.

5 years ago

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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.

5 years ago

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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.

5 years ago

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My first car was a motorcycle.

5 years ago

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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn't break it down piece by piece, stage by stage. The best gift you can give yourself is some drive--that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates. The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Jobs Quotes , Believe Quotes