Adam Carolla Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

My motto is "more mystery, less history".

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mystery Quotes , Motto Quotes

This is why the terrorists hate us. And it's not the glitter and it's not the pomp and circumstance. We've got black and white, we've got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball. And the mirror ball doesn't care what color you are, and it doesn't care how rich your parents are, and it doesn't care what God you pray to. It's an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Stars Quotes , Hate Quotes

I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Audience Quotes

I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Want Quotes

If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Butterfly Quotes , Beer Quotes

It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.

6 years ago

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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the 'tardiest of the 'tards like the thick crust.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Country Quotes , Feet Quotes

I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.

6 years ago

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If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Museums Quotes , Walking Quotes

A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money. Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money - do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mean Quotes , Successful Quotes

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Air Quotes , Stories Quotes

If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Real Quotes , Golf Quotes

If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Media Quotes , Worried Quotes

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

6 years ago

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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Jobs Quotes , Horrible Jobs Quotes

Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys. We're always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Basketball Quotes

I don't normally vote. I'm lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Lazy Quotes

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hurt Quotes , Nice Quotes