Al Franken Quotes, Mistake Quotes, Should Have Quotes

Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written "Today I will masterbate--if I want to!

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , Mistake Quotes , Should Have Quotes

I'm part of the mushball middle. I consider 'confused' the majority position because, thankfully, most people would rather be uncertain some of the time than 100% positive all the time - even when they're wrong.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , Confused Quotes , People Quotes

The Fourth Amendment doesn't apply to corporations.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , Corporations Quotes , Amendments Quotes

Teen pregnancy went way down in the '90s, and 75 percent of it was because of increased use of contraception.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , Pregnancy Quotes , Use Quotes

Net neutrality has been in place since the very beginning of the Internet.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , Neutrality Quotes , Net Neutrality Quotes

I wish I had spent more time at the office and less time in prison.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , Office Quotes , Wish Quotes

We need to start by having a conversation about climate change. It would be irresponsible to avoid the issue just because it's uncomfortable to talk about.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , Issues Quotes , Climate Quotes

You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Firsts Quotes

Net neutrality isn't a government takeover of the Internet, as many of my Republican colleagues have alleged.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , Government Quotes , Neutrality Quotes

If you use Facebook - as I do - Facebook in all likelihood has a unique digital file of your face, one that can be as accurate as a fingerprint and that can be used to identify you in a photo of a large crowd.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , Unique Quotes , Faces Quotes

Yeah, we shot ourselves in the foot right out of the gate. The guy who ran it at first misled pretty much everybody about how much capital we had. He said we had enough to go three years without making money, and we had enough to go three weeks.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , Feet Quotes , Years Quotes

The way I see it, I'm not going to Washington to be the 60th Democratic senator. I'm going to Washington to be the second senator from the state of Minnesota.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , Minnesota Quotes , Way Quotes

I've spent my entire career being a satirist.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , Careers Quotes

I think Clinton fatigue was a real thing. It's just hard to get comfortable with Gore - it was hard for him to project who he is, the person people know in private.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , Real Quotes , Thinking Quotes

The next thing I am doing is moving back home to Minnesota and getting involved in politics. I'm looking at a run for Senate in 2008, but in the meantime I am focused on knitting together the progressive network in the upper Midwest.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , Moving On Quotes , Running Quotes

The Republican agenda is a radical vision in which Medicaid is slashed to the bone - in which we start to balance the budget on the backs of, literally, our most vulnerable citizens.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , Vision Quotes , Balance Quotes

Harvard's Kennedy School of Government asked me to serve as a fellow at its Shorenstein Center on the Press, Politics, and Public Policy. After my varied and celebrated career in television, movies, publishing, and the lucrative world of corporate speaking, being a fellow at Harvard seemed, frankly, like a step down.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , School Quotes , Government Quotes

I once asked the most fabulous couple I know, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, how they kept things fresh despite having been married for almost seven months. 'It's a job, Al,' Guy told me. 'We work at it every day.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , Jobs Quotes , Couple Quotes

As someone who's spent time with our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan on USO tours and met wounded warriors at Walter Reed and Bethesda, I feel a deep obligation to the men and women who have risked life and limb on our behalf.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , Warrior Quotes , Men Quotes

Our laws need to reflect the evolution of technology and the changing expectations of American society. This is why the Constitution is often called a “living” document.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Franken Quotes , Technology Quotes , Law Quotes