Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Inspirational Quotes, Men Quotes

Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Inspirational Quotes , Men Quotes

The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

I don't want no better book than what your face is.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Want Quotes

Benefit of clergy: Half-rate on the railroad.

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Heroine: Girl in a book who is saved from drowning by a hero and marries him next week, but if it was to be over again ten years later it is likely she would rather have a life-belt and he would rather have her have it. Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Girl Quotes , Book Quotes

Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.

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On with dance, let joy be unconfined, is my motto; whether there's any dance to dance or any joy to unconfined.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dance Quotes , Dancing Quotes

Data is like garbage. You'd better know what you are going to do with it before you collect it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Communication Quotes , Data Quotes

Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Motivation Quotes , Integrity Quotes

There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land (and work) again after a cheerful, careless voyage.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Travel Quotes , Land Quotes

Ethical man: A Christian holding four aces.

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It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.

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We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove.

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A journalist is a reporter out of a job.

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The waves most washed me off the raft sometimes, but I hadn't any clothes on, and didn't mind.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Clothes Quotes , Mind Quotes

When your watch gets out of order you have choice of two things to do: throw it in the fire or take it to the watch-tinker. The former is the quickest.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fire Quotes , Order Quotes

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

In other localities certain places in the streams are much better than others, but at Niagara one place is just as good as another, for the reason that the fish do not bite anywhere.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fishing Quotes , Reason Quotes

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations, and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humor Quotes , Yield Quotes

I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Friendship Quotes , Exercise Quotes