Mark Twain Quotes, Heaven Quotes, Bartender Quotes

Every time I read a Jane Austen novel, I feel like a bartender at the gates of heaven.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heaven Quotes , Bartender Quotes

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dog Quotes , Cat Quotes

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Cats are the wildest of the tame and the tamest of the wild

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes

And how moving is the eloquence of the untaught when it is the heart that is speaking!

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Moving Quotes , Heart Quotes

As a rule, we go about with masks, we go about looking honest, and we are able to conceal ourselves all through the day.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Honesty Quotes , Able Quotes

The secret to success: find out where people are going and get there first

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Success Quotes , People Quotes

Simple rules for saving money: To save half, when you are fired by an eager impulse to contribute to a charity, wait and count to forty. To save three quarters, count sixty. To save all, count sixty-five.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Simple Quotes , Waiting Quotes

[Patriotism] ...is a word which always commemorates a robbery. There isn't a foot of land in the world which doesn't represent the ousting and re-ousting of a longline of successive "owners" who each in turn, as "patriots" with proud swelling hearts defended it against the next gang of "robbers" who came to steal it and did -- and became swelling-hearted patriots in their turn.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Land Quotes

I am persuaded that the world has been tricked into adopting some false and most pernicious notions about consistency - and to such a degree that the average man has turned the rights and wrongs of things entirely around and is proud to be "consistent," unchanging, immovable, fossilized, where it should be his humiliation.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Rights Quotes

The North thinks it knows how to make corn bread, but this is a gross superstition. Perhaps no bread in the world is quite as good as Southern corn bread, and perhaps no bread in the world is quite as bad as the Northern imitation of it.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Southern Quotes

When in doubt tell the truth. It will confound your enemies and astound your friends.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Doubt Quotes , Enemy Quotes

I was born lazy. I am no lazier now than I was forty years ago, but that is because I reached the limit forty years ago. You can't go beyond possibility.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Years Quotes , Lazy Quotes

Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Frogs Quotes , Ends Quotes

To write without pay until somebody offers pay. If nobody offers pay within three years, the candidate may look upon this circumstance with the most implicit confidence as the sign that sawing wood is what he was intended for.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Writing Quotes , Years Quotes

If you want love and abundance in your life, give it away.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Giving Quotes

People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Law Quotes , People Quotes

Geniuses are people who dash off weird, wild, incomprehensible poems with astonishing facility, & then go & get booming drunk & sleep in the gutter. Genius elevates a man to ineffable speres [sic] far above the vulgar world, & fills his soul with a regal contempt for the gross & sordid things of earth. It is probably on account of this that people who have genius do not pay their board, as a general thing.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sleep Quotes , Men Quotes

Remember this, take this to heart, live by it, die for it if necessary: that our patriotism is medieval, outworn, obsolete; that the modern patriotism, the true patriotism, the only rational patriotism, is loyalty to the Nation ALL the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Loyalty Quotes , Heart Quotes

You have noticed that the human being is a curiosity. In times past he has had (and worn out and flung away) hundreds and hundreds of religions; today he has hundreds and hundreds of religions, and launches not fewer than three new ones every year. I could enlarge on that number and still be within the facts.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Past Quotes , Years Quotes