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Mark Twain Quotes
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Mark Twain Quotes 2407
- The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.
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- When a humorist ventures upon the grave concerns of life he must do his job better than another man or he works harm to his cause.
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- The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.
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- In the South the war is what A.D. is elsewhere; they date from it.
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- I have criticized absent people so often, and then discovered, to my humiliation, that I was talking with their relatives, that I have grown superstitious about that sort of thing and dropped it.
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- We may not doubt that society in heaven consists mainly of undesirable persons.
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- Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.
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- Thanksgiving day. Let us all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks now, but the turkeys.
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- Conservatism is the blind and fear-filled worship of dead radicals.
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- Man is the only religious animal. In the Holy task of smoothing his brother's path to the happiness of heaven, he has turned the globe into a graveyard.
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- The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo.
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- A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.
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- I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped to spell cat with a 'k' to get at your funny bone. I love a drink, but I never encouraged drunkenness by harping on its alleged funny side.
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- You cant reach old age by another man's road, my habits protect my life but they would assassinate you
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- Ah, if he could only die temporarily!
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- Baseball is the very symbol, the outward and visible expression of the drive and push and rush and struggle of the raging, tearing, booming nineteenth century.
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- My father was an amazing man. The older I got, the smarter he got.
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- [On Dutch flat poetry]: It is too smooth and blubbery; it reads like butter-milk gurgling from a jug.
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- We love old travelers: we love to hear them prate, drivel and lie; we love them for their asinine vanity, their ability to bore, their luxuriant fertility of imagination, their startling, brilliant, overwhelming mendacity.
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- The piano may do for love-sick girls who lace themselves to skeletons, and lunch on chalk, pickles and slate pencils, but give me the banjo.
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