Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The partitions of the houses were so thin we could hear the women occupants of adjoining rooms changing their minds.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , House Quotes , Mind Quotes

When you want genuine music -- music that will come right home to you like a bad quarter, suffuse your system like strychnine whisky, go right through you like Brandreth's pills, ramify your whole constitution like the measles, and break out on your hide like the pin-feather pimples on a picked goose, -- when you want all this, just smash your piano, and invoke the glory-beaming banjo!

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Home Quotes , Piano Quotes

If God had meant for us to be naked, we'd have been born that way.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Naked Quotes , Way Quotes

Wheresoever she was, there was Eden.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes

None but the dead have free speech.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Speech Quotes

Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Drinking Quotes , Wine Quotes

I have traveled more than anyone else, and I have noticed that even the angels speak English with an accent.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Angel Quotes , Speak English Quotes

I have tried getting up early, and I have tried getting up late-and the latter agrees with me best.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Up Early Quotes , Latter Quotes

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

Is the human race a joke? Was it devised and patched together in a dull time when there was nothing important to do?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Race Quotes , Important Quotes

An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , Doe Quotes

So far as I am able to judge, nothing has been left undone, either by man or nature, to make India the most extraordinary country that the sun visits on his rounds. Nothing seems to have been forgotten, nothing overlooked.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Men Quotes

We Americans worship the almighty dollar! Well, it is a worthier god than Heredity Privilege.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dollars Quotes , Privilege Quotes

It will take mind and memory months and possibly years to gather together the details, and thus learn and know the whole extent of the loss.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Memories Quotes , Loss Quotes

Never waste a lie; you never know when you may need it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Needs Quotes

Experience of life (not of books) is the only capital usable in such a book as you have attempted; one can make no judicious use of this capital while it is new.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Writing Quotes

A habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Time Quotes , Steps Quotes

When I'm playful I use the meridians of longitude and parallels of latitude for a seine, and drag the Atlantic Ocean for whales. I scratch my head with the lightning and purr myself to sleep with the thunder.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ocean Quotes , Creativity Quotes

You should never trust a man who has only one way to spell a word.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Way Quotes