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Mark Twain Quotes
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Mark Twain Quotes 2407
- The pulpit and the optimist are always talking about the human race's steady march toward ultimate perfection. As usual, they leave out the statistics. It is the pulpit's way - the optimist's way.
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- A good and wholesome thing is a little harmless fun in this world; it tones a body up and keeps him human and prevents him from souring.
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- The man who is ostentatious of his modesty is twin to the statue that wears a fig-leaf.
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- The government is merely a servant―merely a temporary servant; it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them.
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- Out of the public schools comes the greatness of the nation.
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- It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
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- [N]o country can be well governed unless its citizens as a body keep religiously before their minds that they are the guardians of the law and that the law officers are only the machinery for its execution, nothing more.
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- There are two reasons why anybody buys anything. The real reason, and the reason they give you.
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- Man - a figment of God's imagination.
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- I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.
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- A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom when he can no longer be led by the nose.
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- We have an insanity plea that would have saved Cain.
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- The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.
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- I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing.
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- Not all the Greek runners in the original Olympics were totally naked. Some wore shoes.
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- When angry, count to a hundred.
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- The cat, having sat upon a hot stove lid, will not sit upon a hot stove lid again. Nor upon a cold stove lid.
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- Tea is an affront to lunch and an insult to dinner.
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- Man is the only animal that deals in that atorcity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind.
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- An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before.
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