Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Death Quotes

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

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Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Doe Quotes , Facts Quotes

It has been said that a Scotchman has not seen the world until he has seen Edinburgh; and I think that I may say that an American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi Gras in New Orleans.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Thinking Quotes , New Orleans Quotes

These people´s God has shown them by a million acts that he respects none of the Bible´s statues. He breaks every one of them himself, adultery and all.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , People Quotes , Adultery Quotes

We were good boys, good Presbyterian boys, and loyal and all that; anyway, we were good Presbyterian boys when the weather was doubtful; when it was fair, we did wander a little from the fold.

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Civilization largely consists in hiding human nature. When the barbarian learns to hide it we account him enlightened.

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We can't always have the beautiful aspect of things. Let us make the most of our sights that are beautiful and let the others go

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Beauty Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

God was left out of the Constitution, but was furnished a front seat in this nations currency. ("In God we Trust") is a lie, this nations trust has always been with the dollar.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Dollars Quotes

Nothing so focuses the mind as the prospect of being hanged.

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We are all ignorant; just about different things.

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When a humorist ventures upon the grave concerns of life he must do his job better than another man or he works harm to his cause.

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If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Nature Quotes , Men Quotes

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval. There is nothing more satisfying than that sense of being completely "at home" in your own skin. When you achieve that as a natural state of "being", then you can finally look beyond yourself and fully contribute all your talents to the world.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Life Quotes , Home Quotes

There's something in it when a body like the widow or the parson prays, but it don't work for me, and I reckon it don't work for only just the right kind.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Widows Quotes , Body Quotes

The secret of getting ahead is getting started

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A marriage. . .will give a new gladness to the sunshine, a new fragrance to the flowers, a new beauty to the earth, and a new mystery to life.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Soulmate Quotes , Flower Quotes

If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Good Morning Quotes , Jobs Quotes

A person who has during all time maintained the imposing position of spiritual head of four-fifths of the human race, and political head of the whole of it, must be granted the possession of executive abilities of the loftiest order.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Spiritual Quotes , Race Quotes

I do not see how astronomers can help feeling exquisitely insignificant, for every new page of the Book of the Heavens they open reveals to them more and more that the world we are so proud of is to the universe of careening globes as is one mosquito to the winged and hoofed flocks and herds that darken the air and populate the plains and forests of all the earth. If you killed the mosquito would it be missed? Verily, What is Man, that he should be considered of God?

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Travel is lethal to prejudice.

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