Mark Twain Quotes, Lying Quotes, Needs Quotes

Never waste a lie; you never know when you may need it.

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Civilization largely consists in hiding human nature. When the barbarian learns to hide it we account him enlightened.

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I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

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We have to keep our God placated with prayer, and even then we are never sure of him-how much higher and finer is the Indian's God...Our illogical God is all-powerful in name, but impotent in fact; the Great Spirit is not all-powerful, but does the very best he can for his injun and does it free of charge

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Prayer Quotes

I am not an economist. I am an honest man!

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Honesty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

In the laboratory there are no fustian ranks, no brummagem aristocracies; the domain of Science is a republic, and all its citizens are brothers and equals, its princes of Monaco and its stonemasons of Cromarty meeting, barren of man-made gauds and meretricious decorations, upon the one majestic level!

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Brother Quotes , Science Quotes

Never knew before what eternity was made for. It is to give some of us a chance to learn German.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , German Language Quotes , Giving Quotes

The most difficult We do not deal in facts when we are contemplating ourselves.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Self Esteem Quotes , Self Respect Quotes

Hotels are the only proper places for lecturers. When I am ill-natured I so enjoy the freedom of a hotel where I can ring up a domestic and give him a quarter and then break furniture over him.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Giving Quotes , Furniture Quotes

But it warn't no time to be sentimentering.

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My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess; second, don't drink - to excess; third, don't marry - to excess.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Marriage Quotes , Girl Quotes

Always do what's right. That will gratify some and surprise the rest.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Planning Quotes

There are three kinds of liars: liars, damned liars, and statisticians

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The institution of royalty in any form is an insult to the human race.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , Humility Quotes

Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will find she did it with a knife; but if you take simply the aspect of the pencil, you will say that she did it with her teeth.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Knives Quotes , Perfect Quotes

...heaven for climate, and hell for society.

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Each nation knowing it has the only true religion and the only sane system of government, each despising all the others, each an ass and not suspecting it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Government Quotes , Knowing Quotes

The partitions of the houses were so thin we could hear the women occupants of adjoining rooms changing their minds.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , House Quotes , Mind Quotes

I don't mind what the opposition say of me so long as they don't tell the truth about me. But when they descend to telling the truth about me I consider that this is taking an unfair advantage.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Truth Quotes , Long Quotes