Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

We will allow private and religious groups to compete to provide services in every federal, state and local social program.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Religious Quotes , Humor Quotes

Nothing is stronger than habit.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ovid Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Humor Quotes

There ought to be limits to freedom.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Humor Quotes , Political Quotes

I've got a great sense of where I want to lead and I'm comfortable with why I'm running. And, you know, the call on that speech was, beware. This is going to be a tough campaign.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Running Quotes , Humor Quotes

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

In brief, sir, study what you most affect.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Fun Quotes , Humor Quotes

The true and lasting genius of humour does not drag you thus to boxes labelled 'pathos,' 'humour,' and show you all the mechanism of the inimitable puppets that are going to perform. How I used to laugh at Simon Tapperwit, and the Wellers, and a host more! But I can't do it now somehow; and time, it seems to me, is the true test of humour. It must be antiseptic.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humor Quotes , Laughing Quotes

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Native American Quotes , Humor Quotes

Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The suicide bombings have increased. There's too many of them.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Suicide Quotes , Humor Quotes

Every rascal is not a thief, but every thief is a rascal.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Aristotle Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The person who runs FEMA is someone who must have the trust of the president because the person who runs FEMA is the first voice oftentimes of someone whose life has been turned upside down here's from.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Running Quotes , Humor Quotes

For if you bake bread with indifference, you bake a bitter bread that feeds but half man's hunger.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Khalil Gibran Quotes , Food Quotes , Humor Quotes

The reason we want to go on and on is because we live in an impoverished present.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Alan Watts Quotes , Humor Quotes , Deep Thought Quotes

Dubya! What in Tarnation!? Why, I'll tan yer hide fer this!So, what's sex like after fifty, anyway?

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Sex Quotes , Humor Quotes

It's very important for folks to understand that when there's more trade, there's more commerce.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Humor Quotes , Political Quotes

Humor hardens the heart, at least to the point of sanity.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Agnes Repplier Quotes , Heart Quotes , Humor Quotes