Anton Chekhov Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

PROPERTY, n. Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies the passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others. The object of man's brief rapacity and long indifference.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Passion Quotes

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

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Tags : Abba Eban Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

A brain of feathers, and a heart of lead.

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Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Heart Quotes

Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Patience Quotes

Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I can be much more sarcastic and, I think, sometimes withering in my assessments of things than I allow to show in my public life.

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Thinking Quotes

In my opinion, I think sarcasm and humor in a song, without turning it into a novelty song, is really charming.

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Tags : Alanis Morissette Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Song Quotes

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

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Tags : A. Whitney Brown Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Some people approach every problem with an open mouth.

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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I have witnessed and greatly enjoyed the first act of everything which Wagner created, but the effect on me has always been so powerful that one act was quite sufficient; whenever I have witnessed two acts I have gone away physically exhausted; and whenever I have ventured an entire opera the result has been the next thing to suicide.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Waiting Quotes

Where others have hearts, he carries a tumor of rotten principles.

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Tags : Jack London Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Heart Quotes

Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Germany Quotes

Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Science can never solve one problem without raising ten more problems.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Science Quotes

What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes