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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- CENTAUR, n. One of a race of persons who lived before the division of labor had been carried to such a pitch of differentiation, and who followed the primitive economic maxim, "Every man his own horse."
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- A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.
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- Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
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- REPARTEE, n. Prudent insult in retort. Practiced by gentlemen with a constitutional aversion to violence, but a strong disposition to offend. In a war of words, the tactics of the North American Indian.
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- No country is so wild and difficult but men will make it a theater of war.
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- URBANITY, n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York. Its commonest expression is heard in the words, "I beg your pardon," and it is not consistent with disregard of the rights of others.
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- Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
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- OATH, n. In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury.
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- I think love is the most unbelievable, and critical, thing in civilization. Everything else is very mechanical and predictable, but love, you can't catch it.
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- PASTIME, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.
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- To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.
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- QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not.
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- moral, adj. Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right. Having the quality of general expediency.
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- Homicide, /n./ The slaying of one human by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain whether he died by one kind or another - the classification is for the advantage of the lawyers.
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- Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery.
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- RITUALISM, n. A Dutch Garden of God where He may walk in rectilinear freedom, keeping off the grass.
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- HOMOEOPATHY, n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior, for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases, and they can not.
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- War: A by-product of the arts of peace.
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- Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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- ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden.
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