Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Soul Quotes, Genius Quotes

Genius - to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things.

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WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ's tenderness towards widows was one of the most marked features of his character.

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NEWTONIAN, Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when.

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DELEGATION, n. In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.

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To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.

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ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested. Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the straiter [sic] resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself. Whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death and the hope of Hell.

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Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

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Scribbler, n. A professional writer whose views are antagonistic to one's own.

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CLOSE-FISTED, adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain.

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APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom.

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RECREATION, n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.

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Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

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RICE-WATER, n. A mystic beverage secretly used by our most popular novelists and poets to regulate the imagination and narcotize the conscience.

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An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.

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EPIGRAM, n. A short, sharp saying in prose or verse, frequently characterize by acidity or acerbity and sometimes by wisdom.

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Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.

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PENITENT, adj. Undergoing or awaiting punishment.

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REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin.

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PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method . . . of obtaining money by false pretences [by] "reading character" in the wrinkles [of] the hand. The pretence is not altogether false. . . for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word "dupe."

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MAGNITUDE, n. Size [that is] purely relative. If everything in the universe were increased 1,000 diameters nothing would be any larger than it was before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Would Be Quotes , Size Quotes