Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Science Quotes, Men Quotes

ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists.

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SATIETY, n. The feeling that one has for the plate after he has eaten its contents, madam.

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A man who piously shuts himself up to meditate upon the sin of wickedness and to keep it fresh in his mind joins a brotherhood of awful examples.

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Wisdom is known only by contrasting it with folly; by shadow only we perceive that all visible objects are not flat. Yet Philanthropos would abolish evil!

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Platitude: All that is mortal of a departed truth.

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MISCREANT, n. A person of the highest degree of unworth. Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present signification may be regarded as theology's noblest contribution to the development of our language.

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ARENA, n. In politics, an imaginary rat-pit in which the statesman wrestles with his record.

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MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees.

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SCARABAEUS, n. The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians, allied to our familiar "tumble-bug." It was supposed to symbolize immortality, the fact that God knew why giving it its peculiar sanctity. Its habit of incubating its eggs in a ball of ordure may also have commended it to the favor of the priesthood, and may some day assure it an equal reverence among ourselves. True, the American beetle is an inferior beetle, but the American priest is an inferior priest.

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Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

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The furrier gets the skins of more foxes than asses.

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CONSOLATION, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.

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MOUTH, n. In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

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Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.

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PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed with garlic.

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Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.

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A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.

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True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.

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JESTER, n. An officer attached to the king's household to amuse the court by ludicrous actions and utterances . . . the king's own conduct and decrees [being] sufficiently ridiculous for the amusement not only of his court but of all mankind.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Kings Quotes , Utterance Quotes