Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Language Quotes

RIBALDRY, n. Censorious language by another concerning oneself.

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Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.

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SCRAP-BOOK, n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect.

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Slang is a foul pool at which every dunce fills his bucket, and then sets up as a fountain.

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Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

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Children who have proven themselves to be incorrigible by the age of twelve should be quickly and quietly beheaded, lest they grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate the likeness of their being.

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PHILISTINE, n. One whose mind is the creature of its environment, following the fashion in thought, feeling and sentiment. He is sometimes learned, frequently prosperous, commonly clean and always solemn.

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Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.

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PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction - prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Life Quotes , Virtue Quotes

CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another. When Zeno was told that one of his enemies was no more he was observed to be deeply moved. "What!" said one of his disciples, "you weep at the death of an enemy?" "Ah, 'tis true," replied the great Stoic; "but you should see me smile at the death of a friend.".

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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

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Indigestion: A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the salvation of mankind. As the simple Red Man of the Western Wild put it, with, it must be confessed, a certain force: 'Plenty well, no pray; big belly ache, heap God.'

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To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.

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In this world one must have a name; it prevents confusion, even when it does not establish identity. Some, though, are known by numbers, which also seem inadequate distinctions.

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SATIETY, n. The feeling that one has for the plate after he has eaten its contents, madam.

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ADMINISTRATION, n. An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. A man of straw, proof against bad-egging and dead-catting.

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Peace in international affairs: a period of cheating between periods of fighting

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MARTYR, One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.

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Idiot - A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot's activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but "pervades and regulates the whole." He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a dead-line.

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INDIFFERENT, adj. Imperfectly sensible to distinctions among things.

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