Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Success Quotes, Congratulations Quotes

Congratulations is the civility of envy.

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NOBLEMAN, n. Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life.

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TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.

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I was born to poor because of honest parents.

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It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.

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In the algebra of psychology, X stands for a woman's heart.

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BABE or BABY, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable for the violence of the sympathies and antipathies it excites in others, itself without sentiment or emotion.

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NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

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A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.

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A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.

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hybrid, n. A pooled issue.

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TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.

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Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.

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DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.

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Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.

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LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.

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PLAGIARIZE, v. To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.

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PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.

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Molecule, n.: The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. It is distinguished from the corpuscle, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter, by a closer resemblance to the atom, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter ... The ion differs from the molecule, the corpuscle and the atom in that it is an ion.

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Coronation: The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.

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