Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Dog Quotes, Gold Quotes

ZEUS /n./ The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog.

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True, more than a half of the green graves in the Grafton cemetery are marked "Unknown," and sometimes it occurs that one thinks of the contradiction involved in "honoring the memory" of him of whom no memory remains to honor; but the attempt seems to do no great harm to the living, even to the logical.

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MONUMENT, n. A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.

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Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.

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Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery.

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Respectability, n. The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.

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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

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J, n. A consonant in English, but some nations use it as a vowel . . . from a Latin verb, "jacere", "to throw," because when a stone is thrown at a dog the dog's tail assumes that shape.

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RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who utters them.

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Distress: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.

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Nonsense, n. The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary.

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MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees.

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To Dogmatism the Spirit of Inquiry is the same as the Spirit of Evil.

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Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.

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ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A man in bed or a cabbage in the pot is not considered as having a zenith, though Horizontalists hold that the posture of the body was immaterial.

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ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution.

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An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.

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QUORUM, n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own way of having it. In the U.S. Senate a quorum consists of the chairman of the Committee on Finance and a messenger from the White House.

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Truth is more deceptive than falsehood, for it is more frequently presented by those from whom we do not expect it, and so has against it a numerical presumption.

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True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.

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